Trauma is a hot topic in culture today. Even if that word is perhaps overused, the statistics are clear; a lot of people are living with the effects of trauma. And the younger that trauma is experienced, the deeper and more hidden those effects can be. Where is God in trauma? It might help to consider what Jesus’ message to survivors might be, to someone who has been through the hard things of abandonment, neglect, or abuse.

Most people who ask me for help have been through some kind of trauma. They may not always label it that way; the shame or anxiety can keep it hidden. Often the thing that finally leads them to reach out is realizing how unmanageable some part of their life has become; broken relationships, frequent triggers, misery and pain.

And they’re often skeptical about God’s role in the process. Survivors often imagine God saying some version of “Hurry up and shape up!” So it’s no wonder they’re reluctant to truly allow Him to come close.

There’s a lot of trauma in the Bible. God has a lot to say in the Bible about trauma and trauma survivors. There are many good books written on this topic. But if you’re a trauma survivor, let me offer this as a next step for you.

What God Does NOT Say

Sadly, what many survivors have heard from the western evangelical church has often been at best a minimization of their trauma, and at worst an even more devastating spiritualizing re-traumatization. That is not how God sees your pain.

A few things God does not say to someone who has experienced the pain of any sort of trauma, especially that encountered in relationships. It may be easiest to think of this in terms of Jesus. Remember, Jesus is God. Think of how He dealt with people while on earth. He never said:

“You sinned, so you deserved it. I guess you’re stuck.” While behaviors may have consequences, Jesus never condemned someone for their pain. Never. Not once.

“It wasn’t that bad. You’re exaggerating things.” No, it really was that bad. Remember, Jesus experienced trauma. He is the only One who fully appreciates, understands, and feels how bad it really was for you.

“Hurry up and forgive. Your healing is on a timetable; get with the program.” How wrong. Jesus was – and is – never in a hurry, with you or with anyone.

“It doesn’t really matter; heaven will make up for it.” While some things will only fully be set right in eternity, it really matters here and now. Jesus is with you – right now.

“Once you get it together, then we’ll talk.” The very reason Jesus came as God with us (see Matthew 1:23) is that we can’t get it together. He invites you to come close to Him right now, right while you’re in the middle of this mess.

Jesus had strong things to say about trauma. But it’s not the traumatized person who He berated, but the one who causes trauma. “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to fall away—it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea.  Woe to the world because of offenses. For offenses will inevitably come, but woe to that person by whom the offense comes” (Matthew 18:6-7 CSB).

If any of the above “Christian” messages have been what you’ve heard, I’m deeply sorry, and I apologize on behalf of those in the body of Christ who have misrepresented Him so badly.

(If you see that you have caused pain to others, perhaps out of your own pain, that’s a different article. He doesn’t condemn you, but offers you a way out. God is not finished with you yet!)

Some Biblical Perspective

A few Biblical passages to frame a perspective on what Jesus’ message to survivors would be:

God said of His Servant (Jesus), “a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice” (Isaiah 42:3). He is so gentle that He will not squelch even the faintest flicker in your heart.

And again, of Jesus; “He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young” (Isaiah 40:11). Lambs are vulnerable. And Jesus takes the vulnerable – you – in His arms to carry and protect.

An especially tender picture: “And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them” (Mark 10:13-16).

The traumatized parts of you are probably very young. Any trauma you experienced growing up – abandonment, neglect, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, or the like – often keeps the young versions of you stuck and in hiding. That is, until and unless you befriend the young hurting parts of you (usually with a safe guide), and introduce those young parts of you to Jesus.

The young parts of you are likely to have a lot of questions, and that’s OK. Jesus welcomes them all.

What Jesus Does Say

You will need to hear specific things from Jesus, depending on the specifics of your trauma and your story. Trauma as an adult is horrible, but there’s something especially damaging when trauma happens to you as a child. Perhaps this can be one way to allow the hurting place(s) in your heart to receive the sensitive and healing words I imagine would be Jesus’ message to survivors:

Dear one, you are so precious to Me. I have seen all the harm that has happened to you. Every word you heard that cut down your tender heart, every need you had that wasn’t met, every touch that wounded you or stole your innocence, every look that objectified or minimized you, I heard and saw it all. It was a big deal. It was real. And it matters. And I weep over how you have been hurt.

Will you let Me take you in My arms and just hold you? It’s your choice; you can take as long as you need. I’ll just be here. Whatever feelings you have, it’s OK. Whatever things you want to say, you can say them to Me. You can ask whatever questions you have. You might need to just rest in my arms for a while. You can stay here as long as you like.

And then when you’re ready, we’ll take the next step, you and Me, together.

No spiritual bypass. No rushing you. He wants to be with you.

There are plenty of next steps. Healing, integration, wholeness, is possible. True and real wholeness here in this life. And because that’s still not enough He won’t stop until everything, everything, is set right in eternity.

But most of all, to you as a trauma survivor, Jesus would just say, “Come!”

Your Turn: What have you heard the Christian church saying to trauma survivors? To you? What do you want Jesus to say to the parts of you that have experienced harm?  Leave a comment below.

Want more? On this week’s podcast episode I talk with Dr. Adam Dell about biblical and clinical wisdom for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Listen or Watch.

Tweetables: why not share this post?

• Trauma survivors have often heard from the Christian church, “Hurry up. Forgive. Get over it.” Jesus’ message to survivors would be, “Come to Me! I’m gentle and patient. Take as long as you need.”  Tweet that.

What Harm Have You Experienced?

Harm, trauma, especially when it involves your sexuality, can lead to long-lasting troubles in your relationships with yourself, others, and God. You don’t have to stay there!

Join us at an upcoming intensive – a beautiful 4-day healing experience that can change so much. Bring the hard places of your story into the light, and experience Jesus coming right into the middle of your story with healing, freedom, and transformation.