Lonely heart

You’re single, with no good prospects in sight. You’re lonely, and you want to do things God’s way. You long for someone to love, and to love you. So why isn’t God coming through with a spouse for you? Can He heal your lonely heart?

You’re married, but unhappy. Your spouse is more interested in work than in you. You’ve tried to talk to him/her, but the response is cold. Your heart is lonely. You know you shouldn’t look outside your marriage for love, but it’s sure tempting.

You’re somewhere in the world doing God’s work. You know this is where God sent you, but you’re mostly alone. Working for Him is meaningful, but your loneliness is wearing on you. Couldn’t God bring you someone to share the burden?

On Valentine’s Day there’s so much talk about relationships and love and romance. But I think it’s mostly a time for those who are lonely to lament their marital status (whatever it is) and dream of things they wish they could have.

You’ve heard people talk about God meeting your heart’s needs, and intellectually you believe He can. But you’re lonely. Right now you want a God with “skin on.” You want the hugs, the conversation, the closeness, maybe the sex. It’s hard to see how Someone “out there” can really do anything to meet the lonely needs in your soul.

I’ve been there. I was 48 years old before God brought me and my husband together. During many of those single years I felt painfully lonely. For a long time I struggled with the verse that says, “Your Maker is your Husband…” (Isaiah 54:6) How could God be that to me when I couldn’t see or feel or hear Him (humanly speaking at least)?

I learned over time that God can be that to me, and more. And He can be that to you as well. He can meet those lonely needs in your heart better than anyone else.

Here are some ways you can learn to experience God healing your lonely heart.

  1. Believe God understands. God created you for relationship, so He knows exactly what the empty place in your soul is all about. He understands you, even if you don’t feel like anyone else does. Jesus experienced loneliness when He was here on earth also. He feels what you feel.
  2. Bring your heartache to Him. His shoulders are big enough to cry on. Whether it’s tears, frustration, confusion, or anger, lay it all out before Him. He won’t think any less of you. It’s OK to “lose it” in His presence.
  3. Be quiet. He will listen as you cry, beg, plead, and shout. But He will speak when you are silent. Stop long enough to listen as He speaks to your heart. Expect Him to speak to you, and He will.
  4. Read what He thinks about your trouble. Consider passages like Psalm 25, Psalm 42, or Isaiah 40. God is used to having His children call out to Him in their distress. You’re not the first one, and you won’t be the last. Hear His heart in His Word.
  5. Act on what He says to you. Your relationship with God is about much more than feelings, although He cares about that. He has a job for you to do. To whatever degree you understand what He wants you to do, get busy doing it. The meaning you find will be worth it.

God never promised unending positive happy feelings in this life: that’s coming in heaven. I don’t know if He has a happy marriage for you in your future, or not.

But He WILL be with you in all the lonely times, as well as the good times. You can trust that He has a future for you. A good future.

And HE will become enough.

Your turn: How do you deal with loneliness? How has your relationship with God been during those times? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

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