With some frequency I ask people, “How do you feel God feels about you?” I’m not looking for an intellectual or biblically correct response such as “God loves me.” I want to help them explore their emotional right-brain experience of how they sense “God” in their being. The most frequent response I get is, “He’s disappointed in me.” And sometimes it’s worse than that.

Your internal picture of God, the sense your brain has of Him, will color everything. Pause even right now and consider, How do you feel God feels about you? When He thinks of you, what’s the picture He has in His mind? Don’t give the answer you’re “supposed” to give; let your heart answer truly.

You might imagine God as distant, unreliable, or too busy. Perhaps in your mind He’s angry with you, or frustrated, disappointed, or irritated. Even if you truly believe He’s good for other people you might feel, as one lady told me, “Why would He want me? Why would He be good to me?”

There are many ways our internal picture of God develops; early experiences with caregivers, religious messages, church experiences, past trauma, or the example of other “Christians.” And to the degree that internal picture of God is incomplete or distorted, your healing will require and may need to begin with repairing the “God” picture in your brain.

How do you do that?

Not Just Words

Information matters. But facts don’t make a very big dent in your internal sense of things. There’s the old adage, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” That’s why much of the contemporary western Christian church seems limited in its impact; agreeing to a list of propositional truths doesn’t change the heart.

God knows this. He’s dealt with human beings on a right-brain basis all along. He originally created humankind in a garden more glorious than you or I can contemplate today. The tabernacle and then temple we read about in the Old Testament were object lessons full of sensory experiences. Many of the prophets described God, and humankind’s relationship with Him, with illustrations that evoke deep emotion; a mother caring for her infant, water, fire, a spouse aching over betrayal.

And in the ultimate reframing, God Himself came in the Person of Jesus to be with us (Matthew 1:23). We humans couldn’t “get it;” we needed the presence of Someone. We needed to hear and see and handle Him ourselves (see 1 John 1:1-3). Our very nervous systems needed the experience of another Human to heal our brains and ultimately our internal picture of God.

Contemporary psychological understandings such as attachment theory, interpersonal neurobiology, internal family systems, and rupture and repair in relationships are only modern words used to describe the way God created us and has dealt with us from the very beginning.

Learning that God is Not at War With You

Christian psychiatrist Dr. Curt Thompson likes to say that we still believe God is at war with us. Jesus coming to earth, His life, death, resurrection, and ascension proves that “belief” to be a lie, but we still struggle to dis-believe it. How can our nervous systems come to embrace the reality that God is our Friend, truly?

It’s rather simple, but not easy to change how you feel God feels about you. At the risk of sounding too cookie-cutter, here are some suggestions to help retrain your brain’s picture of God.

Use the Bible as Food

Take a short passage of Scripture such as a Psalm, or a vignette from the life of Jesus. Read it slowly, perhaps a few times. Imagine being in the scene. What would your body have been feeling? What emotions would you have experienced? If you were to encounter Jesus as a character in that story, what would it feel like? Sit with that for several minutes. Let it soak into your being.

Find a Safe Person

Our healing does not happen in isolation. Find your people. That may need to start with just one person who you share a portion of your story with. The Servant Song beautifully expresses, “Let me be as Christ to you.” Prayerfully seek out one or a few people who are able to embody the love of Christ to you in a physical, emotional, and very present way. As your brain senses presence from another human being, you can begin to believe Jesus can be that for you too.

Get Outdoors

Our lives inside artificial environments often separate our brains from the living earth God created. Something happens to you when your senses encounter a thunderstorm, the waves of the ocean, a sunset, snowflakes on your mittens, the snort of a horse, the playfulness of a chipmunk or a dolphin, the sound of rain, the spellbinding beauty of a mountain range. Get outside and touch a tree. Walk barefoot in the grass. Cuddle a puppy. Such things can actually connect your heart with the heart of God.

Let Jesus Be With the Real You

Of course you know He knows who you really are. But we have countless ways of fooling ourselves, like a toddler covering his eyes and thinking no one else sees him. Center yourself in prayer, perhaps with something like the One Minute Pause. Then simply express to Jesus where your heart is right now. Angry? Ok, just come. Sad? Discouraged? Yes, come. Anxious? Afraid? Bitter? Hurting? Whatever it is, just come. No pretending. Invite Jesus to be with you right there.

Things don’t stay the same when Jesus shows up. Get quiet enough for Him to show up for you. If you need to borrow a bit of faith from me or others for right now, that’s OK; choose to believe our testimony that Jesus will not turn you away. He longs to be close to you.

And there your heart can find healing, transformation, and more goodness than you could ever imagine.

Your Turn: How do you feel God feels about you? Which kind of experience do you need to pursue next?  Leave a comment below.

Want more? In the podcast this week I talk with Teresa Whiting about how God deals with broken people, especially sexual brokenness. Listen or watch.

Tweetables: why not share this post?

• How do you feel God feels about you? Disappointed? Angry? Doesn’t care? Facts won’t change that sense of Him your brain has. But here are some things that will.   Tweet that.

Experience Jesus in Your Sexual Story

Our Sexpectations online digital experience provides a way for you to explore your story around intimacy and sex with honesty and compassion – the same way Jesus looks at your story. You’ll learn the tools that will make a new lifestyle possible as you grow into sexual wholeness. And you’ll experience Jesus coming right into the middle of your story. And everything changes with Jesus shows up!

The Sexpectations online course will allow you to find healing and transformation. And can make you capable of a level of intimacy you never imagined possible.