Don’t go looking for a perfect soul-mate. News flash: there aren’t any!

And if there were a perfect soul-mate out there somewhere, you wouldn’t be eligible to develop a relationship with them. Because YOU are not perfect!

So let’s get rid of the idea that there is one perfect soul-mate out there for you, and you will only be happy when you find that person. That idea will make you sorely unhappy!

Before you start sending me hate mail, let me assure you that I believe God DOES have someone special for you to love. My husband and I have been very happy ever since God brought us together. But we have still had to work at understanding each other, and making the necessary adjustments to develop a healthy godly marriage.

There is a big problem in believing there is only ONE person who can make you happy, and that if you are not happy, it’s because you married the wrong person. That belief has led to many divorces simply because someone is unhappy.

You AND your present or future spouse are both a work in progress. God does not bring you a perfect someone to fill every one of your needs. He brings two unfinished people together, in part, so that He can use their union to help finish the maturing process they both need.

If You Are Single, that means:

  • Learn all you can before marriage about yourself, your potential spouse, and most importantly, about becoming the person God created you to be.
  • Don’t expect marriage to make you instantly happy if you are not happy single.
  • Look for a partner who is willing to put God first, and is also willing to work on your marriage.
  • Enter marriage expecting to give 100% of yourself – body, mind, and soul – to making it work and learning how to be the person your spouse needs you to be.

If You Are Married, that means:

  • You ARE married to the one God wants for you. Don’t spend even one moment wondering if you married the wrong person. You didn’t. Once you are married, in God’s eyes this IS the right one.
  • Take responsibility for your own wellbeing – spiritual vitality, emotional happiness, etc. Where your spouse helps you, be grateful. Where they don’t, let it go.
  • Study your spouse. The more you know and understand about them, the better your own responses to them will be.
  • Stay on your knees. Marriage is hard work, and the only way two human beings can survive together is for God’s transforming grace to be the glue making them into one.

I am not advocating remaining in a truly destructive marriage. But unless that is the case, a little honest humility plus reality goes a long way.

Your turn: What do you think about the idea of a “soul mate”? Do you think you FIND your soul mate, or is a soul mate DEVELOPED? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

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