Couple talking

You know you need to talk, but some conversation starters with your spouse would help.

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Yes, that’s the secret of a great relationship. You probably don’t need to be told how important it is. But although good communication between husband and wife is so important, it may not seem easy to do.

“But I have nothing to say. What do we talk about?”

That’s why you’re reading this! Some people find conversation much easier than others, and that’s a big part of communication. Classically, women are more verbal than men. For my husband Al and me, I’m usually the one who needs to be prodded to communicate. He is very good at encouraging me to talk about things. (So men, it can be done!)

If things tend to be somewhat silent between you, here are some conversation starters with your spouse. Share a bit of yourself, then be quiet and ask your partner to share something. You can talk about:

  1. What you like and don’t like. That may mean anything: food, type of vacation, music, worship style, home or yard styles, TV shows, date activities, etc.
  2. What you find difficult. Perhaps it’s a co-worker’s behavior, making a personal decision, a specific temptation, a frustrating habit, a negative emotional reaction, a behavior or attitude you learned as a child, etc.
  3. What you’re afraid of. It could be fear of failure, of not measuring up, of running out of money, of a certain person or situation, of getting older, of dying, of the future, etc.
  4. What you dream about. Maybe you dream of visiting a certain landmark, taking a certain adventure trip, accomplishing something specific, breaking a habit or addiction, learning or doing something new, etc.
  5. What you remember. Memories of growing up – good or bad, memories of your early days together, people you know or knew, experiences you treasure or regret, how you felt about certain things, etc.
  6. What you want to change. Talk about what you would like to change in your marriage, your health habits, your life circumstances, your sex life, your parenting, your attitudes and emotions, your spiritual growth, etc.
  7. What you see God doing. Share your spiritual heart with each other: how you feel about God, about church, what you hear God saying, where you see Him leading you and your family, what role you see God giving you in His Kingdom now and in the future, how He is pressing you to mature or change, etc.

Turn off the TV, present each other an open and welcoming heart, and talk a little. When you first knew each other you probably talked all the time. You can do that again!

Your turn: What helps you and your spouse communicate with each other? What do you wish you could talk about, but find difficult? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Are you tired of feeling disconnected from your spouse?

Download the FREE Resource Guide: 4 Keys to Re-Connecting with your Spouse.