You wake up one day and realize you don’t feel like a wife at all. You feel more like a roommate. Or worse. If it wasn’t for the band on your finger, or perhaps the children you share, you would be just as satisfied NOT being Mrs. …. And wouldn’t life be much less complicated?

OUCH! If you feel that disconnected from your husband, it’s time to take action. The alternative is a sure death of your marriage.

Perhaps you would say your marriage is already dead. Only God knows whether that’s completely true. But remember, God has a habit of resurrecting dead things. It’s just possible that your decisive action now could be the means God uses to make your marriage alive again.

Here are 5 actions you can take that have a good chance of opening the connection between you and your husband again. You can’t control the response on his end. But why not give it a try?

  1. Show interest in HIS world. Honest interest. Sit down with him while he’s watching a game. Bring popcorn (or his favorite snack). Ask about the players, or what this game means for the team. Look for clues about how things are going at his work, and ask him about it. Find ways to show you care about what he’s feeling or struggling with.
  2. Compliment him. Honest complements. Whether it’s how he looks, what he does around the house, an accomplishment at work, something he does with the children, a skill he’s good at – actively look for opportunities to express your pride in him.
  3. Do something together. You may need to be creative in order to find something HE is interested in that you can do together. Right now you’re not asking him to come your direction: you’re moving his direction. Spend an afternoon at a sporting goods store he enjoys. Offer to accompany him on a business trip if possible. Here are a few more ideas.
  4. Be physically intimate. There’s something about sex that makes a man feel like a man in a unique way. If he doesn’t show interest in you sexually, there may be some things you can do to help. And if you struggle in being sexual with him, here are some things that can help. This isn’t a complete solution in itself, but it’s an important item to address.
  5. Pray. Pray for him. If he’s open to it, pray with him. Prayer gives God an extra opportunity to change YOU. And it invites Him into your marriage in a meaningful way. He cares about you, your husband, and your marriage even more than you do. And He wants to be the glue holding you together.

Notice that all these actions involve you moving beyond your own needs and focusing on your husband and your relationship together. If your husband responds well and some of your own needs get met, that’s wonderful! But think of that as icing on the cake, not as the immediate goal you’re after.

Being consistent with some of these actions may really stretch you. You will probably “mess up” often. And the results are not guaranteed.

Sure, there are things a husband can and “should” do to help you feel connected. That’s for another post. But if you care at all about your marriage, don’t let a lack of connection continue. Make a conscious move toward your husband today.

And I pray with you that your marriage becomes stronger and stronger.

Your Turn: How connected are you with your husband? What can you do to move in his direction? Leave a comment below. 

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