For husbands, boyfriends, and prospective boyfriends, a woman often presents a mystery. If you’re a guy, you probably would do just about anything to impress your lady love, or win her heart.

But do you know what she really wants?

And if you’re a woman, do you recognize what your heart really wants – and needs?

Sure, we’re all a little different. But in the deep parts of a woman’s soul most of us share these common needs. And yes, they are needs. Inside a woman’s heart is the need:

  1. To be wanted. She wants to be number One to somebody, to know that there’s nothing more important than her in someone else’s heart.
  2. To feel beautiful. A little girl playing dress-up is just the beginning. A woman senses something powerful when she believes her body and her presence is pleasing.
  3. To be needed. If her physical efforts, her emotional investment, and even her presence makes a difference to others she feels valuable and satisfied.
  4. To be heard. She wants what’s in her heart to matter to someone. She wants someone to care, to ask, to really listen, and to understand.
  5. To be seen. She wants someone to care enough to notice when she’s hurting, tired, proud, happy, or worried, and to do something about it.
  6. To have someone fight for her. She will easily fall for the Knight in Shining Armor who rescues her from anything – boredom, insignificance, abuse, weakness, poverty, etc.
  7. To be secure. This is where material things come in. When a woman has the basic necessities of life she is free to devote her mental and spiritual energies in other directions, and that’s meaningful to her.
  8. To be connected. Women live on relationships. Negotiating those relationships, communicating, understanding what makes others tick, connecting on a heart level – that’s who she is.
  9. To be part of something significant. She often knows she may not be enough in herself, but she longs to connect with someone or something grander, bigger, more enduring that will make a much greater impact.
  10. To grow. Opportunity, encouragement, and resources to develop what’s in her being excite her. She loves to become more than she thought she could be.

If a woman’s needs in one of these areas are not being met, she may resort to dangerous means in an attempt to meet it. She may spend money she doesn’t have to try to feel beautiful. She may lash out verbally at the people she cares about in order to be seen or heard. She may accept abusive behavior if she believes that’s the only way to provide for her physical security.

If you’re a man, consider how you can help the woman you care about meet some of these needs. You may be surprised at how much she will flourish as a result.

If you’re a woman, step back and consider which of these needs you are struggling to fulfill, and at what cost. And then remember that God is the One who created you to have those needs. And He’s the best one to meet those needs at their deepest level.

Your turn: Have I left out any important needs in a woman’s soul? How do you go about meeting these needs? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

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