A healthy marriage doesn’t just “happen.” You’ve learned that by now. And you’ve prayed and prayed, but nothing seems to change where you live. Is it hopeless to want a better marriage? Are your expectations reasonable? What can you hope for in your marriage?

Giving up and settling for “miserable marriage détente” certainly doesn’t seem OK. And you may have already tried to control or change your spouse; how’s that worked out for you? Your marriage needs a breakthrough; so why haven’t your prayers worked?

Marriage is complicated. You both come as sinners, and with your own baggage from the past. Life happens, with all its stresses and problems; children, finances, health issues, more. Communication or intimacy challenges come. Is it supposed to be like this?

It will help to address what you can and what you can’t reasonably hope for in a “normal” Christian marriage (if there even is such a thing).

First, a few things you Can’t Hope For

Expecting or hoping for the following will only lead to disillusionment and frustration.

• No conflict. You’re both sinners, after all. And you have different backgrounds, and different personalities. Conflict happens in every marriage. It’s what you do with that conflict that counts.
• Remaining the same. Life happens. But you and your spouse also grow and change. That change can be positive or negative. The choice you have is to be intentional about that change.
• You’re in charge. Trying to manipulate and control doesn’t last. And to whatever degree you may think you succeed, that’s not a real marriage. Marriage is a partnership.
• You’re powerless. But though you’re not in charge, neither are you powerless. Your choices, behaviors, actions do make a difference.
• To have all your needs met. No human being can meet every need you have, even if they wanted to. And honestly, God wouldn’t let that happen even if they could. A finite human being will somehow always let you down.
• To know the future. Regardless of what you expect in marriage, there will be surprises. God knows the future, but you don’t.

An unhappy picture? Not so fast.

A few things you Can Hope For

Marriage works when both parties are committed. In that kind of marriage, these are things you can hope for.

• Learning to communicate. Men and women are different. Personalities are different. Over time you can learn truly great ways of communicating that become increasingly meaningful to you both.
• Closer intimacy. A healthy marriage includes physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. That takes serious investment, and most couples have real roadblocks to overcome here. But it is possible. 
• You become different. As you commit to learning to love well, you are changed. Marriage is one of God’s best laboratories to learn this. Learning to love well matures you in wonderful ways.
• Persisting through problems. Those conflicts every marriage experiences? Learning to work together to solve them can actually bring you closer to each other.
• Giving and receiving. Your spouse will meet many of your needs. But you lose focus on that. As you learn to love well, you focus more on what you can give, what you can bring to the relationship.

Doesn’t that sound like something worth hoping for – and working toward?

If You’re Not There Now

You may be far from the kind of marriage that portrays. In marriage your spouse gets a vote too, and that is sometimes painful. But even in a truly broken marriage, there are things you can still hope for. Here are a few.

• Hearing God’s voice. When your marriage is seriously broken there’s nothing more important than this. And God loves to speak to you. You can expect Him to do so.
• For YOU to change. And as you change the dance, your partner will have to change their steps as well. You can’t guarantee that their response will be what you want, but it will be different than today.
• Making an invitation. Your heart may have closed to your spouse because of pain. That can be healed! You can expect God to heal your wounds and help you live in a way that offers your spouse the invitation to find healing as well.
• Meaning and joy. Whatever happens in your relationship, you can be restored. That does not depend on your spouse. Your spouse may respond well. But even if not, God has a good future for you!

God wants to work with you to write your story. Cooperating with Him makes that much more possible than you could ever imagine.

Powerful Breakthrough Prayers

Regardless of where in these lists you find yourself, experiencing the next level of breakthrough with your life and marriage requires you to work together with God in the process.

Our Powerful Breakthrough Prayers online course shows you how to do that.

In this course you will learn and experience the things I learned and did years ago as God brought me into my own lasting breakthrough. Those principles work regardless of where your biggest problem is.

If your marriage is good, this will make it better.

If your marriage is seriously troubled, this will help you find clarity and hear God’s voice about your situation.

This course will put you on the road to real and lasting breakthrough in your life with God – and your life with your spouse.

And if you join this Powerful Breakthrough Prayers online experience now, I’ll personally walk you through this material. For the next several weeks you, along with other course attendees, can be part of weekly LIVE Zoom calls with me where I help make this real for you, and actually do the things that will bring you your breakthrough.

So why don’t you register right now?!

And I can’t wait to hear about the breakthrough you experience!

Your Turn: What have you been expecting in your marriage? Have you hoped for things that are not realistic? Have you settled for too little? Leave a comment below.

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• Do you want a better marriage? There are things you cannot hope for – and many things you CAN hope for, regardless of where your marriage is right now. And there are some important things to pray for.   Tweet that.