To the Lonely, Disappointed Wife

To the Lonely, Disappointed Wife

When you first got married you imagined every day would be wonderful. Someone would be there to do much of the “heavy lifting” necessary in life. You would have someone to talk to whenever you wanted, someone who would understand you. You felt rescued, safe, and fully alive. Marriage would mean there would be someone eager to spend time with you at the end of every day. And you’d never go to sleep lonely.

Do you remember feeling like that, even if it was only briefly? Oh, you heard the warnings from those who were “older and wiser.” Sort of. You acknowledged that many marriages encounter problems.

“But MY marriage will be different!” you thought, perhaps not even realizing you were saying it. “MY husband will always love me and be there for me. If we have any problems we’ll get over them in a flash. I’ll be happy for the rest of my life!”

How long ago was that?

And how close has married life been to what you imagined it would be?

If you’re like so many married women, you feel like YOU are doing much of the heavy lifting. You don’t feel like your husband understands you at all. And many nights you go to sleep feeling painfully lonely. You’re a disappointed wife.

It’s probably a good thing that people get married with stars in their eyes. If everyone truly believed how many problems would come after the “I Do’s” the world might not have such a population problem.

So what do you do when you feel used up, disappointed, and lonely?

You could run away, cheat on your husband, or resign yourself to a life of misery.

But here’s a better idea. Take your life by the horns and DO SOMETHING about it!

Here are some things you can do:

  1. Feed Yourself. If you’re physically hungry, you eat. In fact, you may be eating to cover up many other hungers. Take some time to think through what you truly need and want: stimulation, rest, companionship, etc. Find healthy ways to stay filled up. Take responsibility for feeding yourself the kind of soul food you need most. You have so much more to give when you are nourished yourself.
  2. Learn to Say No. Many women have said Yes so much that now they are overwhelmed, tired, and/or angry. If someone, even your husband, asks you for one more thing you just might explode! It’s worth the effort to decide what you most want to do, and what God most wants of you. Say Yes to that, and No to everything else. (Check out The Best Yes, by Lysa TerKeurst.)
  3. Move Toward Your Husband. Staying connected as husband and wife doesn’t happen by accident. Much of that connection physically, emotionally, and spiritually is a matter of choice, not feelings. Taking a step, or several steps, in HIS direction may feel difficult at first, but it’s worth it. God has gifted women with relationship skills and understanding: use that in your marriage.
  4. Ask God to Fill You. Expecting your husband to make you happy will always end in disappointment. Be grateful for every time he DOES make you happy, but look to God first as the One to fill your deepest needs. Give Him a chance to heal your lonely heart. There are needs you have that only He can fulfill.

Don’t run away, cheat, or resign yourself to being miserable. 90% of happiness is a choice. Your choice.

So, what are you going to do about it?

Your Turn: What are you going to do this week to give yourself some soul nourishment, and get filled up? Leave a comment below.

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