Couple in love

We get into trouble so easily over sex. For many it is the ultimate slippery slope. And the impact of sex outside the bedroom is wide-ranging. 

Let me state my position simply: I believe sex was created by God as a wonderful, beautiful thing to be relished and ravishingly enjoyed between one man and one woman in marriage. That’s it. Any other use of sex is wrong, and gets us into trouble. You may not agree with me, but I believe that is the way God intended things to be.

The misuse of sex is a common denominator in a whole host of problems: pornography, infidelity, same-sex relationships, prostitution, sex outside of marriage (before or during), divorce, abortion, rape, abuse, sexually transmitted diseases, and more. The emotional and relationship impact is also costly: shame, isolation, divorce, guilt, etc. Marriages, careers, families, ministries – and lives – are wounded or destroyed. Of all the factors involved, sex seems the most powerful.

Sex is Not just about the Bedroom

Sex touches something very deep within us. There is probably no other area that so strongly impacts our sense of identity and value as sexuality does. The correlation is strong:

  • If you have been violated sexually (as a child or an adult) you probably feel dirty, vulnerable, and ashamed. Taking a bath does not make you feel clean: the violation goes much deeper. Through taking advantage of your body, your soul has been assaulted.
  • If you struggle with maintaining sexual integrity it’s likely you feel guilty, ashamed, and hopeless. Other sinful acts or addictions may also be hard to conquer, but sexual issues go even deeper. Here a sense of being isolated from God and from others can be profound.
  • If your sexual relationship with your spouse is full of conflict, control, manipulation, or refusal, you probably feel frustrated, angry, isolated, and powerless. As our friend Brad Kennington, LMFT, says, sex is very diagnostic of the entire relationship between two people.
  • If you enjoy a healthy, interesting, and mutually satisfying sexual relationship with your husband or wife, you likely feel loved, respected, fulfilled, and confident. The comfort, exhilaration, intimacy, and safety of healthy sex within marriage impact you far beyond the bedroom.

Think of some of the people you know. Can you imagine the quality of their sexual relationship(s)? You might be wrong, but chances are you can get a pretty good idea by the way they carry themselves in many other circumstances. I’m not advocating that you become a mental peeping tom: I’m just suggesting you notice how powerful sex and sexuality can be.

If you don’t like what sex and sexuality mean right now in your own life, let me encourage you to not ignore the issue. Think of your sexuality as a picture of state of your inner soul. If you don’t like what you see, do something about it!

Your turn: Does sex and sexuality make you squeamish? Or does it seem to have a too-important place in your mind? How does your sexuality impact other areas of your life? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.


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