Menopausal Wife, Frustrated Husband

Menopausal Wife, Frustrated Husband

A very frustrated husband reached out to me: “My wife seems like a different person since she became menopausal. I’m having a very hard time with this. HELP!” He and some of his buddies at church are struggling with the changing sexual responsiveness they have noticed in their wives. Are these men doomed to remain frustrated and miserable?

A woman’s desires, needs, and sexual response are often affected by the hormonal changes of menopause. Each person – husband and wife – is responsible for their own behavior. I’ve talked to women about dealing with their hormonal changes here, but today I’m talking to husbands.

In this video I offer frustrated husbands some help:

  • some insight into what almost all wives are likely experiencing at menopause
  • one significant difference between men and women in the area of sexuality, and what they can do about it
  • 3 suggestions for what husbands can do to improve intimacy during their wives’ menopausal transition

Watch the video here.

If you’ve noticed a change in your wife around the time of menopause, you’re not alone. But as her husband – the most important human being in her life – there are some things you can do to help.

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How to Know God as your Husband

How to Know God as your Husband

There’s that Scripture you know should mean more to you: “Your Maker is your husband.” (Isaiah 54:5) But you’re just not feeling it. You’re single, and you desperately want to feel some “skin in the game,” not some nebulous spiritual platitude. Or you’re married, and if God is anything like your husband you’ll pass, Thank you very much.

God blessed me with over seven years of a loving marriage. I wrote about what it means to find God as your Husband a couple years ago, and my marriage certainly helped me understand some new dimensions of God’s love. Now that I’m single again after my husband’s death the reality of God as my Husband has taken on a new depth once more. And it’s got nothing to do with some nebulous spiritual platitude.

For all the ways in which modern Western society has allowed women to take care of themselves (and that’s a good thing), there’s a part of us that still needs a man. Or at least some of us think we do. Some of us rush from one relationship to the next, unconsciously (or consciously) desperate to find the one who will finally make us OK. Others of us refuse to pretend to need a man, ratcheting up our independence, certain that we’ll be misused or betrayed or at least disappointed – again – if we let our heart risk allowing a member of the male species inside. We may parade our independence in front of our friends, or we may relentlessly complain about how the man we ended up with is making us miserable.

Some of us are miserable without a man. Some of us are miserable with the man we chose. Remember, if you’re out there looking for Mr. Right, there are a lot of married women who be happy to give him to you! Ladies, this ought not to be!

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Women’s Health and Shame

Women’s Health and Shame

Women’s health topics bring up such strong emotions – “for” and “against” and everything in-between. By listening to some people you’d think the most important issues in life, in our culture, in our world, were contraception, abortion, and female sexuality.

OK, so these are important topics. But why do they stir up such strong feelings? Are these issues really as important as the “noise” would have us believe? As important as they are, there must be some deeper issues at play. It’s got to be about more than the simple “medical facts” these issues involve. What is that something deeper?

Why are Women’s Health Topics such a Big Deal?

I answer that here:

In this 3-minute video I talk about why women’s health topics resonate in us as deeply and loudly as they do. It has a lot to do with who we really are as women, the assaults we’ve experienced, and what God wants to do in and for us. Women’s health and shame too often go together, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.

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Preserving Your Marriage while Building Your Family

Preserving Your Marriage while Building Your Family

(I’m thrilled to be guest posting for my friend Elisha Kearns over at Waiting for Baby Bird today. Thank you! If you’re struggling with building your family, I hope you’ll check out all Elisha has to offer. And I hope you’ll check out the full post on her site.)

I haven’t kept track of how many infertility couples I’ve worked with over the years. It’s been thousands. But there are two whose tragedies will always stick with me – and it had nothing to do with whether or not they became pregnant.

Shirley and Jackson had both been busy with their careers for several years. Both had become quite successful, and now they felt the only thing still lacking in their lives was a child. Shirley was approaching 40, which you all know makes achieving pregnancy statistically more challenging. But being take-charge kind of people, once they decided it was time to have a child they jumped in with both feet.

A few months of ovulation inducing medications and IUIs passed quickly, and Shirley was ready to move on to IVF. Jackson came with her to almost every one of her appointments. The embryo transfer seemed to go well and Shirley’s initial pregnancy test was positive. Sadly she lost that pregnancy a couple of weeks later, and we shed some tears together.

But that wasn’t the real tragedy. Shirley came by the office a couple of months later and told me that Jackson had moved out. Their marriage was over. She was devastated.

Melinda always brought her two children with her to her appointments, but her husband was never with them. She had some nearly expired vials of medication she had saved after her last successful infertility treatment, and she wanted to try again. Why now? “My husband is threatening to leave me, but if I have another baby he will stay.” He wasn’t interested in supporting her through treatment, but she was sure he could be counted on for timed intercourse.

I talked with Melinda about how unlikely it would be that having another child would fix her troubled marriage, but she insisted she wanted to try. Melinda did not get pregnant again, and the last time I spoke with her she was still begging her husband not to leave. She daily lived with the fear and dread of being left to raise her two children alone. Another tragedy.

Those stories may not be like yours, but they illustrate something important. Not being able to have a child when you so desperately want one is heartbreaking and stressful. Others who have never struggled with infertility cannot fully understand even if you try your best to explain. It becomes all-consuming to you. And yet there are worse things than infertility. The loss of your marriage would be one of them.

In the full post I share three specific tips to help you preserve your most important human relationship while trying to build your family.

I hope you’ll check out the full post here.

Tweetables: why not share this post?

  • 3 tips to NOT losing your marriage while trying to build your family.      Tweet that.
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Does God Care If You’re Overweight?

Does God Care If You’re Overweight?

God cares about everything. EVERYTHING! That might leave you feeling a bit ashamed if there’s something you know God cares about but you aren’t living up to what you know He would want.

Two-thirds of adults in the United States are overweight. Does God care much about that? Have you tried over and over to manage your weight – unsuccessfully, and wonder if God just isn’t paying attention? Or perhaps you’ve noticed that being overweight is just as big an issue – if not bigger – among Christians and Christian leaders than it is among others.

How does God feel about you if you’re overweight?

I answer that here:

In this 3-minute video I talk about two reasons I believe God DOES care about your weight, but they’re probably not what you think.

This is an excerpt from a longer program I did  with my friend Kristi Lemley of Living in the Light TV. We talked about obesity, heart disease, diabetes, menopause, and more. I talk about why what you weigh right now, or even next year is not that important.

But what you weigh five, ten, or fifteen years from now is very important!   Tweet that.

You can see the full program on their website. Just look for the program from July 10th.

Perhaps you’ve been struggling with your weight, or are already dealing with diabetes, heart disease, or some other condition as a result. Getting to where you need to go may seem like a mountain too high to climb.

[reminder comment=”I’d love to hear from you in the comments here.“] What have you already tried in dealing with your weight? What is the reason you want to make a change now?[/reminder]

There’s more about all this in my book Dr Carol’s Guide to Women’s Health. Among other topics, I talk about:

  • What makes a healthy eating plan and whyDr Carol's Guide to Women's Health
  • Dealing with the hungers we face that have nothing to do with food
  • Managing your weight even through menopause and beyond
  • Preventing diseases such as heart disease, cancer, and diabetes – especially for women
  • A whole lot more

Find out more about Dr Carol’s Guide to Women’s Health.

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