Pursuing Intimacy with Your Husband

Pursuing Intimacy with Your Husband

(This is a message especially for wives. Last week I talked about the other side – a message for husbands.)

Should you always say Yes when your husband wants sex? How long do you pursue your husband if he does not pursue you? Is it OK to “just say NO” because you’re “not in the mood”? What’s the big deal about pursuing intimacy with your husband anyway?

There’s been controversy – and sometimes violence, guilt, and shame – arising from Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians:

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

First, some perspective please. This Scripture does not condone marital rape or God-talk domination and condemnation. Its purpose is not to load you with more oppression. We’re talking woman-to-woman here, and let’s be honest that the enemy has twisted this Scripture and incited some to use it to bring enormous destruction and pain.

Let’s also be honest that some of us women have twisted it too. Some have used the “devote yourselves to prayer” as an excuse to refuse sex with their husband. Ok ladies; are you praying for nine months? Or five years? If you’re working a job or cleaning your house or joining girlfriends for coffee, you’re not so “devoted to prayer” that you can’t connect with your husband.

But this Scripture IS in the Bible. What does it mean? Everything God says has a reason, and is for our good. So what is it here?

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What to Do when Your Husband Calls You Frigid

What to Do when Your Husband Calls You Frigid

Your husband berates you when you turn down his requests for sex, or when you don’t want to do the sexual acts he would like. Perhaps he even lobs Scripture at you, criticizing you for not meeting his sexual needs as the Bible says you should. Your husband calls you frigid. (Is that still a word the “younger generation” knows and uses? I could be dating myself.)

Your heart is crushed. You feel embarrassed or ashamed, or perhaps angry. Is there something wrong with you?

There are couples where the wife has a stronger sexual desire than her husband, and some husbands have learned wonderful ways to help their wives enjoy physical intimacy. But some Christian wives carry a boatload of guilt and/or shame about their sexual response or lack thereof.

Let me help unburden your heart. Here are 5 things to know as a Christian wife.

  1. You have the right to say NO.

Your husband does not own you. Your body is not his property. You are not sinning when you say NO to your husband’s request for sex. God gave you the responsibility of caring for your mind, body, and soul in a way that first and foremost honors Him, and that allows you to offer your best self to your husband, your family, and others He places in your life.

That means if you’re used up, exploited, and empty, part of your responsibility is to find godly healthy ways to get filled up again. You don’t sit back and wait for someone else to fill you; you proactively go after the nourishment your soul needs.

  1. God made your husband to desire sex.

Your husband is not a brute because he wants sex frequently.

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5 Steps to a New Marriage in 2017

5 Steps to a New Marriage in 2017

(While this is written especially for my women readers, the principles apply wither you’re a husband or a wife.)

Wouldn’t you love a New Marriage for 2017?

Have you been making some New Year’s resolutions? Or perhaps you gave that up long ago, believing that doing so just sets you up for failure and disappointment.

Either way, we’re at the beginning of a new year. Remember that God loves to do new things – even in your marriage. “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” (Isaiah 43:19)

In addition to losing twenty pounds and being more consistent with reading your Bible, perhaps you’ve also decided to work on your relationship in this new year. Perhaps you’d like to:

–          Be more loving and respectful to your husband

–          Stop nagging and complaining so much

–          Be the submissive wife the Bible says you should be

–          Pray for your husband more regularly

“WOAH! Stop right there! You’ve just hit my red-button issues. You had me for a moment, but I’m not going to read any farther!”

I get it! Being “submissive” has often come to mean getting stepped on and abused. No nagging sounds like letting him get away with whatever he wants. Praying more feels like spiritualizing something that falls apart the moment your needs aren’t getting met.

Take a deep breath, girlfriend. This is not the older “be nice” kind of religious marriage advice. Nor is it the newer “be yourself” message many women have tried and find less than satisfying in the end.

I believe God has a New Marriage waiting for you. Remember, He loves creating new things!

You do want a New Marriage, don’t you?

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What Is a Healthy Christian Woman?

What Is a Healthy Christian Woman?

How do you know if you’re healthy? What does “healthy” mean anyway – as a woman, as a Christian? Are you too old to be healthy?

As a women’s health physician I regularly see first-hand the impact of lifestyle, emotions, relationships, and spiritual life on a woman’s health. Every day I am privileged to help women find ways to experience a more Fully Alive kind of life in all these areas.

Take a few moments to watch this short video. You’ll see other women just like you. And you’ll find out:

  • What it means to be a Healthy Christian Woman
  • What factors impact how a woman looks and feels
  • Why a Christian woman should especially care about her health
  • The single most important thing you can do to improve your health

And the best news: that single most important thing doesn’t cost a penny!

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A Woman’s Beauty and Strength: Dangerous or Delightful?

A Woman’s Beauty and Strength: Dangerous or Delightful?

Can we talk? Just you and me, girlfriend?

A woman’s beauty is one source of her strength. But everything depends on how you use it.

As a woman, you are powerful, beautiful, strong, smart, vulnerable, intuitive, and resilient. When God made you earth and heaven smiled, and you completely took Adam’s breath away. You are the expression of the part of God Himself that longs to connect, communicate, and nurture life, intimacy, and so much more. As John Eldredge describes it, every woman has a beauty to unveil.

In part because of your combined beauty and strength, God’s enemy has unleashed his most destructive weapons against you ever since the beginning. You have survived indescribable pain, loss, and torment. You’ve faced the worst that evil can dream up.

And yet you are still here! The assaults on your body, mind, and soul have not taken you out. You may feel down, but you’re not finished yet!

But the question is, What Will You Do Now?

You have two choices.

You can use your beauty and strength to wreak havoc on everyone around you. You DO have that power.

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