Wifey Wednesday: Flip that Mental Switch!

Wifey Wednesday: Flip that Mental Switch!

[guestpost]I’m so excited to be guest posting over at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum today! Thank You!!!! to Sheila Wray Gregoire for the privilege. I invite you to check out all the great resources Sheila has to offer.[/guestpost]

Mental SwitchYou may have experienced the vicious cycle yourself. Something isn’t going well between you and your husband. Perhaps he was inconsiderate and said something negative about you in front of your friends. Perhaps you were extra tired or truly had a headache, and had to refuse his sexual advances. The temperature between you dropped from pleasantly warm to tepid.

Neither of you felt much like “making up.” A few days later something else happened, and the temperature dropped again. Now you’re starting to feel a real chill. You’re frustrated at his lack of understanding, and he certainly isn’t doing anything to make you feel warmer towards him. And if he were asked, he would say that you’re going out of your way to be distant, unavailable, and downright “unwifely!”

God wants us to “love, honor, and cherish” each other. And there’s not much loving, honoring, or cherishing going on.

In my role as an OB-Gyn physician, and in my ministry activities, I hear from couples like this all too often. What starts out as a temporary speedbump can easily develop into a wall between you.

It’s been two months since he made any effort at intimacy.” “She hasn’t let me make love to her for almost a year.”

And the weeks, months, or even years continue until you’re more like roommates instead of husband and wife. I can feel the hurt, the frustration, and the loneliness in these couples.

Is that you?

As a wife you have plenty of excuses you could use to keep your husband at arm’s length and not “have to” engage in sex.    . . .

Want to read the rest of the post, and unlock the key to flipping that mental switch?

Join me over at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum today. I’ll see you there!

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The Four Facets of Intimacy (My Guest Post)

The Four Facets of Intimacy (My Guest Post)

[guestpost]I’m guest posting over at SimpleMarriage.net today. Thank you, Dr Corey Allen! [/guestpost]

IntimacyYou and I are created as unique, whole, integrated human beings. You can’t separate the physical, emotional, relational, or spiritual parts of you from each other any more than you can distinguish the flour, sugar, eggs, and salt in a loaf of bread.

The same goes for intimacy between husband and wife.

There are four main facets of connection between you and your spouse, and all are necessary for the closeness to be at its best.

Many couples struggle to get on the same page when it comes to intimacy. You may be tempted to think it’s primarily about how often each of you desires physical sex. It’s true that many couples differ here but the real issue may be related to one of the other facets of intimacy.

Sex, and everything else between you, can be affected by any of these factors.

How are you and your spouse doing on these four facets of intimacy? . . .

I talk a lot more about what those Four Facets of Intimacy in this guest post.
Head on over to SimpleMarriage.net for more. See you there!

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The Meaning of Sex in the Heart of a Woman

The Meaning of Sex in the Heart of a Woman

Pensive FemaleSex is messy. And the messiness of sex is not primarily physical (although it is that). The meaning of sex, especially in a woman’s heart, has taken on such emotionally heavy content that you can’t be sure the person you’re talking to understands what you mean without a big explanation.

How did a little three-letter word come to be so messy?

Imagine the first man and the first woman. Adam wakes up from his sleep missing a rib. But what he sees before him almost takes his breath away. For all the beauty he has known in the moments since his creation – magnificent sky, majestic mountains, birds singing, animals showing strength, playfulness, and affection, even meeting God Himself up close and personal – nothing has “popped” his brain like the creature standing in front of him.

And Eve? Her whole being lights up in an instant. Her first moments of awareness are filled with fireworks and rapture. She is made to be Queen, and she feels nothing but joy as she awakens to that reality. Gazing up at her is a man stronger, more viral, and more completely good than any of us can imagine. And he is hers! The attraction is complete. From the moment of her creation she feels wanted, important, cherished – loved.

I don’t know if God was visibly present to Adam and Eve at that moment. But I’m sure He was watching. God filled Adam and Eve with all the joy, creativity, strength, and beauty of Himself. They were completely healthy, senses fully alive, more glorious in every way than any human being around today. Think two eighteen-year-olds, multiplied 100 times over.

And they were naked.

So don’t tell me that with all the “fully alive-ness” they were created with,

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Preparing for Marriage when you Carry Bad Baggage

Preparing for Marriage when you Carry Bad Baggage

None of us goes through life baggage-free. But some of us seem to accumulate more than our fair share of negative stuff in the “personal relationships” category. That type of baggage often sets a person up for misery or failure if and when they get married. Preparing for marriage can seem like preparing to be hurt, damaged, exploited, or just another “statistic” in a long list of failed and miserable life experiences.

But such misery or failure is not inevitable. I want to share with you what I learned about preparing for marriage – and doing it successfully – even while carrying bad baggage in that department. When I told my friend Evelyn Davison my story, she said “You’ve got to share this with people! There are lots of them who need to hear this.”

The messages, models, and memories I had accumulated growing up did not afford me a very positive outlook when it came to marriage. I knew intellectually that God created marriage, intimacy, and families, and that He intended it all to be “very good!” But I also had my own bad baggage that interfered with my emotional reactions to those topics.

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To the Woman Whose Husband is Addicted to Pornography

To the Woman Whose Husband is Addicted to Pornography

I hear from you regularly, you whose husband’s eyes are filled with many other women and not with you. You don’t even want to think the words, but he’s addicted to pornography. And every one of you carries a sadness I would love to be able to heal.

I think about you and carry you in my heart:

  • The 60-year-old patient sitting on the exam table fighting back the tears, who shared, “My husband hasn’t touched me in years. He spends every evening in the basement looking at other women on his computer.”
  • The friend riding in the back seat of my car as we were returning from a Christian event, almost choking on the words as she told how her “good Christian husband” kept promising to stop looking but never followed through.
  • The young mother writing to me about how she was trying to protect her two children from her husband’s internet porn while he seemingly refused to even admit he has a problem.

Sometimes you get angry. At him. At life. At marriage. At God for not fixing him even though you pray – and pray and pray and pray. You feel used and abused by the man who promised to love you even if he hasn’t done anything to hurt you physically. You wonder why you’re not enough. What if you hadn’t gained that extra weight? What if you kept yourself looking more sexy? What if you never said NO even if what he wanted seems disgusting?

And you’ve probably tried doing all those things, and more. But nothing makes any difference, at least not for very long. Some of you may worry about his soul,

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