If your marriage is relatively happy and healthy and your sex life together is satisfying, this is not for you. (If this article doesn’t apply to you, please simply move on.) But if you are facing elephant-sized problems that are destroying the intimacy between you, keep reading. Yes, there are some circumstances in which you should NOT have sex with your spouse. This article is about bringing wisdom and the gospel to bear on some of those very big marriage challenges.
I’ve written a fair bit about pursuing intimacy, making sex between you better, and how important pursuing physical intimacy is to strengthening the bond between husband and wife. But I’ve heard from some of you recently with questions and comments such as these:
- “My husband is physically abusive, and then expects me to have sex whenever he wants. Is that what I’m supposed to do?”
- “My wife is having sex for money with other men. Do I keep trying to have sex with her?”
- “My husband has been living with another woman, but sometimes he comes home to see our children. Sometimes he asks for sex, and sometimes I say Yes. Should I be doing that?”
My short answer to these questions is No. Sex is not a magic fix. The deeper issues must be addressed.
But a one-word answer is not enough if you’re facing that level of challenge in your marriage. Let’s look at this in more detail. Understanding the role God designed sex to have in marriage will help. And then we’ll address some of the specifics these comments raise.