When Broken Vows Break the Heart

When Broken Vows Break the Heart

InfidelityForsaking all others, keep yourself only for him (or her).” You said that, or something similar, in your marriage vows, didn’t you?  Now perhaps that dream has become a nightmare. If you are facing infidelity in your marriage, you know how devastating that nightmare can be.

Adultery almost never begins with a physical act. It begins in the heart. It begins with a lingering glance, a flirtatious comment, a fantasy of connection. It grows with a search to fulfill something one feels is missing – perhaps adventure, emotional intimacy, or sexual contact. The heart finds a way to rationalize, and you cross that line. Sooner or later the pain, loss, and trauma of broken vows catch up with you – and those you love or loved.

If you are married and NOT facing infidelity right now, let me encourage you to do these things:

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The Impact of Sex Outside the Bedroom

The Impact of Sex Outside the Bedroom

We get into trouble so easily over sex. For many it is the ultimate slippery slope. And the impact of sex outside the bedroom is wide-ranging. 

Let me state my position simply: I believe sex was created by God as a wonderful, beautiful thing to be relished and ravishingly enjoyed between one man and one woman in marriage. That’s it. Any other use of sex is wrong, and gets us into trouble. You may not agree with me, but I believe that is the way God intended things to be.

The misuse of sex is a common denominator in a whole host of problems: pornography, infidelity, same-sex relationships, prostitution, sex outside of marriage (before or during), divorce, abortion, rape, abuse, sexually transmitted diseases, and more. The emotional and relationship impact is also costly: shame, isolation, divorce, guilt, etc. Marriages, careers, families, ministries – and lives – are wounded or destroyed. Of all the factors involved, sex seems the most powerful.

Sex is Not just about the Bedroom

Sex touches something very deep within us. There is probably no other area that so strongly impacts our sense of identity and value as sexuality does. The correlation is strong:

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Red, Yellow, Green: The Relationship Traffic Light

Red, Yellow, Green: The Relationship Traffic Light

When I was in elementary school we sometimes played the game of “Red Light, Green Light.” One of us would be “it,” and call out the signals to the rest of us lined up at the starting line. You could move as fast as you wanted when the “light” was green, but if you took even one step after the “light” turned red you had to return to the starting line and start over. The first one to reach the finish line without moving on red was rewarded with being the next “it.”

I doubt elementary students today play “Red Light, Green Light” during recess any longer. It was a simple game, and with sophisticated playground equipment and sports programs in place now they have more entertaining things to do.

But we as adults still play “Red Light, Green Light” in our relationships. And the stakes are so much higher than they were in childhood!

Think of the other people you know. I would guess you could quite easily tell who is giving out a “green light,” indicating

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