What to Do If You Feel Guilty After Watching 50 Shades of Grey

What to Do If You Feel Guilty After Watching 50 Shades of Grey

Three years ago the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy became a publishing phenomenon. And 10 days ago the movie version made a box office splash. Christian bloggers, speakers, and talk-show hosts have offered strong criticism decrying the graphic portrayal of sexuality and male-female roles in a way that they find offensive.

But Christian woman have been reading the books and watching the movie. And at least some of them have felt dirty, guilty, or otherwise uncomfortable afterwards. If you’ve watched or read and feel in some way guilty after watching 50 Shades, then this post is for you.

Our society provides many opportunities to become desensitized to ungodly things. Messages relating to both violence and sexuality are present all around us. Perhaps one might think, “Why not become familiar with what everyone is talking about? Then I can engage intelligently. And surely there’s redeeming value even in what seems somewhat negative. I’ll focus on the good parts.”

And then you read. Or you watch. And something in you changes. If you read the entire book (or series), you undoubtedly had a more difficult time reading the first explicit passages, and things became easier as you continued. Just that experience alone should demonstrate to you how easy it is to become desensitized.

If there’s something in you that feels uncomfortable after engaging with 50 Shades of Grey, that’s a good thing. That demonstrates you are not closed to the Holy Spirit’s tug on your heart. I encourage you to listen, to follow that discomfort, and hear whatever God might want to tell you.

And let me point out that if you’ve struggled to justify watching or reading this material, that very fact should remind you that something in you knows it’s not OK with God.

Here are a few suggestions about what to do with the discomfort you may be feeling:

Continue reading...
Enjoying Sex After Menopause

Enjoying Sex After Menopause

Some men complain their wives lose interest in intimacy around the time of menopause. Some women complain they can’t enjoy sex the way they used to. These changes can put a lot of stress on a marriage. But sex after menopause can be meaningful and satisfying.

A woman’s sexual response is a very delicate and interconnected thing. Physical discomfort, hormonal changes, stress – all that and more can affect her desire and ability to engage in intimacy. It may often be difficult to decide exactly which factor is most important.

As a gynecologist I’ve helped women with these problems for many years. And I know menopause does not have to be the end of desire: it can be the beginning! I will always remember one lovely lady I saw as a patient who married for the first time at age 56. She and her husband quickly enjoyed a healthy and enjoyable sex life. I believe you can too.

Here are some things you can do to maintain and even improve intimacy with your husband during and after menopause – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You can enjoy sex after menopause.

Physical Intimacy

Continue reading...
How to Enjoy Sex With Your Husband

How to Enjoy Sex With Your Husband

Bedroom conflict is at it again. Husband wants sex with wife and she doesn’t want to give it. Wife wants husband to show interest in intimacy with her but he doesn’t. Both men and women feel lonely, unwanted, frustrated, and sometimes desperate and angry. It leaves some wondering, “Could I have married the wrong person?”

And then there are plenty of women who wish their husbands would just leave them alone. Perhaps sex is physically uncomfortable. Maybe it takes too much energy and you’re tired. You might not feel close to him at all right now, or even like him very much. Sex may bring up unpleasant or painful emotional feelings, perhaps from the past. Or maybe you feel like his request or “need” for sex in an intrusion into the life you really wish you could have.

A woman’s sexual response can be affected by many different things. If sex causes physical pain her brain will naturally try to avoid it and she will find it difficult to respond sexually. Unwanted memories may intrude and prevent her body and mind from responding. Busy-ness, worry, fatigue, or fear will shut her down. A woman usually responds best when she feels safe, close, and connected. For women, sex is a great deal more in the mind than anywhere else.

So how’s a woman to go about making this part of her marriage pleasant, or even enjoyable?

Here are some things that will help you enjoy sex with your husband:

Continue reading...
What the Best and Worst of Sexuality Tells Us About God

What the Best and Worst of Sexuality Tells Us About God

Sexuality tells us about God. For some, putting “God” and “sex” in the same sentence might seem sacrilegious. The only message some have heard is, “God said No. He doesn’t want you to have pleasure.” Some others seriously wish that God had come up with an alternative way to propagate the human race.

But if sex was God’s idea – and it was (Genesis 2:25) – then there must be more to the idea than pain and frustration. Instead, I believe it tells us something very powerful about God Himself.

Think of the worst possible things you have either experienced or know about in relation to a woman’s sexuality. You may think of words such as pain, exploitation, perversion, violence, abuse, molestation, control, ownership, trafficking, and more. Especially if you’ve been hurt here, the idea of sexuality may leave you feeling dirty, used, discarded, powerless, violated, and betrayed. Feelings such as fear, terror, revulsion, pain, anger, and despair may overwhelm you.

Continue reading...
5 Ways To Help Your Husband Desire You

5 Ways To Help Your Husband Desire You

Deep inside a woman’s soul is the desire to be wanted. God put it there. And all the feminism, the violence against women, and the other painful distortions this world has put on women, have not succeeded in drowning out that desire.

Do you want your husband to desire you? For some women the answer is a clear Yes. But instead of desirable, you have often felt pushed away, unimportant, and almost unseen. You may be tired of him wanting anything – or anyone – else but you. You remember what it felt like for him to desire you, and you would love for him to want you again, even though you might not be sure how to respond if he did.

For some women the answer is a qualified No. Being wanted has too often meant manipulation, selfish demands, and emotional and physical pain. Instead of a woman, his desire has left you feeling like a thing, used, abused, and used up. You might not even admit it to yourself, but you work at making yourself undesirable to keep from getting hurt.

Your husband is completely responsible for his behavior. No exceptions. But God gave you unique qualities designed to help your husband be the man God wants him to be. You know the saying, “Behind every good man is a good woman.” There’s a certain amount of Biblical truth in that statement!

There’s something extremely meaningful about drawing your husband’s desires your way. And you may be surprised at your own happiness and the stronger intimacy between you as a result.

Here’s how you can help your husband desire you:

Continue reading...