Most men want sex. And for the many men who would like a better sex life with their wives, it sometimes seems a frustrating and elusive hope. But there are things within your control, things you as a husband can do to for a better sex life.
You want to be a good husband, the kind of husband God wants you to be. You love your wife deeply. But when it comes to sex, many husbands can fall into the belief that sex is about meeting their own needs, that it’s something you “get” from your wife. But it’s not only about you! There are also important things sex does for your wife.
You expected to be having sex with your spouse when you got married. And you may have also imagined that since you’re now entitled to sex, that would validate you as a man or woman, cure your lust problem, or satisfy your desire for intimacy. How’s that working out for you?
Where did you first learn about it? Was it in a class in school? From classmates, or older kids in the neighborhood? From the internet? Perhaps you’re one of those who was blessed to have parents, or a church youth leader, who fostered healthy conversations about sex. Or perhaps instead you learned from older relatives or others who harmed you through molestation, abuse, pornography, or other sexual exploitation. And then there’s the religious legalism that may have made sex a taboo and dirty subject for you. Perhaps you need to re-learn about sex and intimacy.
If you’ve been mowing the weeds of troubling, unwanted, or ungodly sexual thoughts or behaviors and they keep growing back, it’s time to deal with the roots. “Trying harder” to control lust with behavior modification and accountability may be helpful as far as it goes. But for many people, it’s just not working. You may need to deal much more deeply with the roots of sexual “stuff.”