(This is a message especially for husbands. Last week I talked about the other side – a post especially for wives.)
In about 80% of marriages, the husband desires sex more frequently than the wife. And then comes frustration. Sometimes anger. Loneliness. Disconnect. What’s a man to do?
There’s also the 20% – those marriages where you as the husband have less sexual desire than your wife. And then comes the frustration, sometimes anger, loneliness, and disconnect also. Can we ever get this right?
Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians are often quoted when this issue comes up among Christians:
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
Some husbands read this and say, “Yeah! The Bible says my wife should give me sex when I need it. So wife, come on!”
So, how’s that working out for you?
You’re probably like the husbands I hear from regularly. You want your wife to want you. You have a physical drive for sex, sure, but it goes deeper than that. You want to connect with your wife, and sex is a huge part of how you do that. You want her to respond to you, even initiate. You want her to enjoy your intimacy together as much as you do. You feel most satisfied when she feels satisfied with your time together. Truly connect sexually with your wife is when you feel closest to her, and when you feel most like a man.
If the intimacy between you has been less than great, you may have come to settle for physical release only. But part of you knows there’s more.