When your Husband Is Behaving Badly

When your Husband Is Behaving Badly

Neither gender has a corner on bad behavior. Last week we talked about wives behaving badly, but today is for the wife whose husband is behaving badly.

In the big picture, women have been under attack ever since Eve. The kingdom of darkness has often used men to perpetrate destruction and violence against women, seeking to destroy the life-giving and beautiful nature with which God endowed them.

Continue reading...
How to Take Charge of Your Marriage

How to Take Charge of Your Marriage

There are two opposite and equally destructive strategies many husbands and wives fall into when it comes to seeking marital happiness. The first is trying to take charge of your spouse. The second is assuming your spouse will take charge of your marriage. But the only truly effective way to get closer to the meaningful, connected, and happy relationship you want is for you to take charge of your marriage.

Continue reading...
Love is not Wimpy

Love is not Wimpy

Say love and chances are your immediate mental picture is soft, squishy, and colored in pastels. If you’re over 40 you may think of “love means never having to say you’re sorry,” or the “summer of love” in 1967. If you’re under 40 you may think of tolerance and kindness and warm-hearted feelings.

But those images have little or nothing to do with what love is all about. True love is anything but wimpy, or particularly feminine. That impression is a caricature of what real love is all about.

What pictures come to mind when you think of love?

  • A mother nurturing her newborn baby?
  • A suitor on one knee proposing to his sweetheart?
  • Jesus holding out welcoming arms to a sinner?

Yes, love underlies all those images. But if those are the only images of love we focus on, our lives, and our Christian witness, will be lopsided and ineffective.

Is it love to stand by as your child destroys themselves and the family through violence, theft, and fear as a result of drug addiction? Is it love to keep giving your spouse the benefits of marriage while they are engaging in infidelity? Is it love to accept a hurting, sick, miserable sinner as they are without providing a way for healing and transformation?

Love is not saying “anything goes,” “you’re OK, I’m OK,” or “do whatever you want.” That’s cowardice, not love! God’s not like that. And you and I shouldn’t be like that either.

As Bob Goff’s popular book asserts and illustrates, Love Does. Love may start with accepting things the way they are, but it refuses to let them stay that way. Tweet that. Love does something about it.

Continue reading...
Married On Purpose: Intentional Relationship Investments

Married On Purpose: Intentional Relationship Investments

Too many people slide into marriage without much intentionality. It’s just something you do – “if we feel like it.” But for something as important as marriage, something that will affect your health, wellbeing and happiness for the rest of your life and the wellbeing of many others, “sliding” isn’t a good plan. The only way to succeed is to be Married on Purpose.

Marriage is perhaps the riskiest endeavor humankind currently engages in. Is there any other agreement you would enter into when the general failure rate is around 50%? Two attached sinners are certain to destroy each other if left alone. And even if your marriage lasts you are guaranteed a super-sized dose of frustration, disappointment, and deep internal pain.

Is it any wonder young people are frequently delaying marriage, opting for other living arrangements, trying the hook-up culture, and/or declining to get involved in serious dating relationships? That’s certainly not the case for all. But for the first time there are more single adults in our country than married adults.

Of course most people who get married believe they’re the exception. MY husband won’t get too busy with work to have time to make me feel special, or leave dirty sox and dishes lying around. MY wife will always look beautiful, and always cheer me on in whatever I’m pursuing. OUR relationship will never deteriorate into apathy, conflict, or miserable détente.

If you’re right, if your marriage is the exception, it will be because you and your spouse make daily intentional investments on purpose. Like a garden, without daily attention to planting good seeds, pulling weeds, and watering regularly, your marriage will produce thistles instead of flowers.

Here are some things to invest in daily to assure you are Married on Purpose.

Continue reading...