Where Are YOU Looking For Love?

If you’re a single person, you’ve certainly been asked the question, How’s your love life?

Really, shouldn’t that question be asked primarily of married people? They’re the ones who need to be working on it daily. But that’s for another time.

As for the single life, I know what that’s like. I was 48 years old before I fell in love and married my wonderful God-provided husband. During much of that time I was decidedly unhappy about being single, and felt terribly lonely. But I did learn a lot. And I’d like to share two of those things with you.

Number one: You will only be happy married if ……

Watch this week’s Saturday Memo for the two most important things you can learn while you are single that will help you be happily married:

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God Has NO Perfect Soul-Mate For You

Soul MatesDon’t go looking for a perfect soul-mate. News flash: there aren’t any!

And if there were a perfect soul-mate out there somewhere, you wouldn’t be eligible to develop a relationship with them. Because YOU are not perfect!

So let’s get rid of the idea that there is one perfect soul-mate out there for you, and you will only be happy when you find that person. That idea will make you sorely unhappy!

Before you start sending me hate mail, let me assure you that I believe God DOES have someone special for you to love. My husband and I have been very happy ever since God brought us together. But we have still had to work at understanding each other, and making the necessary adjustments to develop a healthy godly marriage.

There is a big problem in believing there is only ONE person who can make you happy, and that if you are not happy, it’s because you married the wrong person. That belief has led to many divorces simply because someone is unhappy.

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2 Questions to Help You Decide If Your Marriage Is Too Destructive To Save

2 Questions to Help You Decide If Your Marriage Is Too Destructive To Save

I’m going to try something dangerous. I’m going to write about something I have only observed at close hand, though I have not personally experienced it from the inside.

I want to share my heart about facing a difficult or destructive marriage. (And those two questions to ask come at the end of this post.)

My fear is that someone in a dangerously destructive marriage will hear something in my writing that encourages them to stay, or that someone who is unhappy will hear something in my writing that encourages them to go when the marriage might be saved.

But perhaps that struggle is exactly where these thoughts can be helpful. I offer them with humility and with hope that you find them encouraging. Some such marriages I have observed:

  • A family member’s marriage marred by repeated infidelity and violence.
  • A good friend whose husband abandoned her while she was pregnant. Twice.
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The Second Thing to Learn In Marriage

The Second Thing to Learn In Marriage

When James and Connie got married, they expected to live happily ever after. But not many months later they were spending as much time fighting as they were enjoying each other. James felt he was honestly trying to make things work, and that Connie was refusing to deal with significant issues they faced. Connie felt their problems were primarily James’ fault, and that he was always complaining about her and their life together.

The first thing James and Connie will need to understand is that their expectations of marriage are different, and will almost surely need to be adjusted as they grow their marriage together. The second thing they will need to learn is how to handle conflict.

EVERY couple will face conflict. The question is not IF you will face conflict, but rather HOW you manage conflicts when they arise. Handling conflict in marriage is a learned skill: no one knows how to do it automatically, but anyone can get better at it.

Couples can fight about money, religion, parenting, sex, in-laws, and a host of other things. Don’t be surprised when you and your spouse see things differently: after all, if you were both the same, one of you would be unnecessary! What’s important is what you do then.

Here are five important steps in facing conflict:

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The First Thing to Learn In Marriage

relationship difficulties: young couple having a fightJames and Connie were approaching their first anniversary. They had been so much in love! After an eight-month engagement their church wedding had been like a dream. They thought they knew each other exceptionally well, and looked forward to a bright future.

But it was only a few weeks into their marriage when things started unraveling. Connie divided her time between volunteering at an after-school children’s program and making their house into a home. James worked irregular hours at the shipping department of a major local company, and often came home tired. One day he came home earlier than usual, and Connie wasn’t there. When she arrived about an hour later the fight began.

“Where were you this afternoon?” James asked.

“We had three new children at the center today, and I spent some extra time getting them settled. I’m sorry I’m late,” Connie responded.

“Why didn’t you call and tell me you were going to be late?”

“Why didn’t you call and tell me you were coming home early?”

“You know I work irregular hours. But I expect you to be here when I come home!”

“You said you wanted me involved, and you were glad I volunteered at the children’s center. Why are you being so possessive?”

Their voices got louder and louder. And the accusations started. The fight ended in James taking a long drive, alone. Connie was in bed when he got home.

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