7 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Being Sexual

7 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Being Sexual

Man SmilingAs a woman, you probably know (or at least think you know) that most men want sex. A lot of it. And there’s a good chance that a large part of your relationship with men is defined by your perception of their sexual desire. Here are several things men wish women knew about being sexual.

Unless you have been blessed by growing up in a near-perfect environment when it comes to man-woman relationships, you probably relate to men in one of two ways:

  • Avoid any hint of sexuality. You see men as out to dominate, hurt, use, and abuse, and the only way to stay safe is to avoid getting close at all costs.

OR,

  • Use sex to get what you want. Because you see men as sexually driven, you use your own sexuality to manipulate them for your own benefit.

Isn’t that sad?! No, it’s more than sad. It’s absolutely tragic!

Think about it. What God intended as an intimate, exciting, comforting, and beautiful means of bonding husband and wife together has too often become a weapon, a means of manipulation, or a source of trauma and pain.

Yes, some men have allowed their sexual drives to become a means of control. And we could talk a lot more about the ways sexuality has been used in perverse and even evil ways – by both men AND women!

But what if you have, or want to have, a good man? Understanding some things about his nature can make your relationship so much more rich, satisfying, and successful.

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How to Bring God Into Your Marriage Bedroom

How to Bring God Into Your Marriage Bedroom

You bring God into your schedule, your checkbook, your media viewing habits, your parenting, your job. Or at least you try to. But how do you bring God into your marriage bedroom? And how do you do that?

Sex is a built-in need of human beings. Some use that truth to try and justify whatever sexual behavior they desire, or to aggressively force a spouse to engage in sex on demand. Others, especially those who have been harmed, sometimes brutally, by sexual acts or messages, think perhaps God made a mistake in creating us as sexual beings.

We get into trouble when sex and faith are kept apart. Spiritual leaders fall into adultery and scandal. Children who grew up hearing “Don’t do it” become sexually active the moment they are outside the boundaries of family or church. Marriages that may look good to the outside world are torn apart from the inside by pornography, domestic violence, disappointment, and more. Sex (or withholding it) becomes a weapon instead of the bond God intended it to be.

So what does it look like to bring faith and sex together? Specifically, how do you bring God into your marriage bedroom?

  1. Believe that God created sex. Physical intimacy between husband and wife was meant by God to be comforting, exhilarating, tender, exciting, bonding, and more. That foundation would then provide a healthy place to bring a child into: hence the connection between procreation and unity in godly sex. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled.” (Heb. 13:4) Sadly, how far we have fallen!
  2. Focus more on your spouse’s needs than your own. Sex is more about giving than receiving. And it is at its best when both partners work first to satisfy each other. This is, of course, the opposite of using sex as a weapon. That includes stretching yourself to be intimate at a frequency (either less or more) that your spouse needs. “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Phil. 2:4)
  3. Get your sexual needs met ONLY from your spouse. Sex is a two-way street. That’s why it’s so risky – and exhilarating. But the only legitimate place to get those needs met is from your spouse. “Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.” (Prov. 5:18)
  4. Respect each other’s physical needs and desires. The biggest turnoff to your spouse is likely a distant, demanding demeanor. No more condescending comments, avoiding your spouse, or using Scripture as a weapon to either demand or refuse sex. “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.” (1 Cor. 7:3) The word “affection” here includes both emotional kindness and physical affection.
  5. Let God deal with all the other parts of your marriage. Fatigue, physical illness, stress, marital conflict, previous trauma – all these and more will impact your physical intimacy together. If God is a natural part of your life together in other ways, it will be easier to make Him part of your physical intimacy also. “But we all … are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. (2 Cor. 3:18)
  6. Extend grace to each other. People make mistakes. You make mistakes. God has extended grace to you: it’s important to extend grace to your spouse. That doesn’t mean continuing to be harmed if abuse is ongoing, but it does mean learning to forgive each other when you need to. “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Col 3:13, NIV)
  7. Have a 3-part conversation about sexual intimacy. Yes, that means you and your spouse pray about sex. Together, and individually. Loving well, including sexual love, can only fully happen when you invite and allow God’s love to flow through you. He will hold you together if you invite Him to. “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mat 19:6)

Does this guarantee complete sexual fulfillment every time you desire it with your spouse?

No. But I can assure you that the only way to give yourself a chance of that kind of fulfillment is to have God as a regular partner in your bedroom.

The ONLY other partner.

Here’s to a growing, fulfilling intimacy between you and your spouse – and God!

Your Turn: Are there any other factors important in bringing God into your marriage bedroom? Leave a comment below.

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Five Kinds of People Jesus Spent Time With

Five Kinds of People Jesus Spent Time With

Jesus didn’t like everybody.

He loved everyone. He still loves everyone. But while He was here on earth, Jesus definitely had favorites. There were people He loved to be around, and people He avoided.

Here are the kinds of people Jesus spent time with:

  1. Those who needed Him. Some people needed Jesus more than others. Not in the ultimate sense perhaps, but in the human sense. He saw these needy people as sheep without a shepherd, and loved spending time around them. (Mark 6:34) “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.” (Luke 5:31)
  2. Those who wanted what He could offer them. Whether it was healing, godly wisdom, or salvation, Jesus spent most of His time around those who valued what He came to offer. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.” (Mat 5:6)
  3. Those who wanted to learn from Him. The disciples responded to Jesus’ call to come and follow Him. He taught them as much as they could learn (John 16:12), and gave them on-the-job training to continue His ministry after He was gone. Most of His earthly ministry was spent training and loving on them.
  4. Those who wanted to bless HIM. Certain women “provided for Him from their substance,” (Luke 8:3), and He welcomed them. These women (and others) cared for His physical needs, and followed Him everywhere He went.
  5. Those who (at least somewhat) understood Him. Jesus felt at home with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, and we read of several times He spent time with them. “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” (John 11:5) They provided a place where He could rest, and “be Himself.”

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What Does The Bible Say To A Man Whose Wife Doesn’t Want Sex

What Does The Bible Say To A Man Whose Wife Doesn’t Want Sex

Doesn’t the Bible say a man is head of his house, and has a right to sex with his wife?”

“During those long months when she was getting chemo other women started to look awfully appealing.”

“My wife and I are Christians, but I can’t seem to get her to agree to have sex with me when I need it.”

You can struggle greatly when your wife does not or cannot respond to you sexually. It’s a little ironic: here I am a woman, talking to men about sex. That’s because I’ve been asked about this specific question more than once, and this post is my answer. You may be struggling with this in your marriage and have told no one. I hope this helps you in some way.

But you also need to hear from other men. Check the bottom of this post: there are a few resources listed there that I believe you will find helpful.

I suspect some men asking this question may be looking for a Biblical excuse to get sex from somewhere outside of your marriage. Sorry: I’m not going to provide one. It isn’t there.

I suspect some other men asking this question may be looking for a Biblical reason to demand that their wife allow sexual intimacy whenever they wish her to. Again, sorry to disappoint you. I don’t find that in Scripture either.

But most men asking this question are truly struggling with the feelings of rejection, frustration, sexual tension, hopelessness, or even anger that come from being sexually unfulfilled in your marriage. You feel “slapped in the face” over and over again, and it reaches to the innermost part of your soul. Part of you wants to honor God, but you find your sexual drives difficult to manage when your wife is unwilling or unable to respond. Engaging in sexual intercourse is a big part of what makes you feel like a man, and right now you don’t feel much like a man at all.

What the Bible Says

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The One Thing That Will Make You IRRESISTIBLE To Your Wife

The One Thing That Will Make You IRRESISTIBLE To Your Wife

One more night of wishing. One more night of being brushed aside and feeling rejected. One more night of frustration, and wondering if things will ever get any better. One more night of trying to suppress your physical drives. One more night of anger at being misunderstood. One more night of wondering if you made a mistake in getting married.

You don’t want to look outside the marriage for satisfaction, but sometimes you’re not sure how much longer you can put up with things the way they are.

Let me hasten to make clear that your wife is an adult, and she is completely responsible for her behavior. You cannot make choices for her.

But you won her heart once. Wouldn’t you like to do it again? Wouldn’t you like to be her Knight in Shining Armor? Wouldn’t you like for her to look at you the way she did when you first said, “I DO?”

Sure, you want her. You want the physical connection of sex. You want to feel like a man. But you also want more than that.

You want her to want you!

I’ll let you in on a little secret. We women don’t only want you to win our heart once: we want you to keep on winning our heart over and over. We want you to be our hero again and again.

That’s not as hard as it seems. And don’t waste time wondering if it’s fair or unfair: it’s just the way a woman’s heart works.

So how do you make her want you? How do you become irresistible to her?

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