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Couple holding hands
Marriage and Family Life, Marriage and Relationships, Relationships

5 Things Your Wife Needs From You

There’s the saying, “Happy wife, happy life.” And as a husband you have a tremendous impact on your wife’s wellbeing. If your wife is not responding to what you’re doing now, perhaps it’s time for a change. Your wife needs very specific things from you, and when you provide them she will flourish.

Your wife is responsible for her own behavior; women can certainly behave badly too. But you are the husband. God has called you to lead. Your impact on your wife’s wellbeing is likely much greater than you realize.

For your own sake, pay attention to these 5 needs your wife has. These are needs that no one else can meet to the degree that you, as her husband, can. Meeting these needs may feel unnatural to you, but just do it. Your wife’s mental/emotional/physical/spiritual wellbeing, and the peace, intimacy, and love in your home, will dramatically improve as a result.

  1. Non-sexual affectionate touch

Sad and lonely women write to me; “He can’t touch me without having an erection. I can’t get close to him.” “My husband has held me only twice in our twelve years of marriage.” “He never touches me, kisses me, or even holds my hand. I’m so hurt.”

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Addiction
Emotional and Mental Health, Marriage and Family Life, Marriage and Relationships, Relationships

Your Spouse’s Bad Behavior: 5 Things to Do

Your spouse’s bad behavior can make your life seem as though it’s falling apart. Your psyche is stretched to the limit, and you’re not sure how much longer you can survive if things don’t change. You could really use some concrete ways to move forward, or at least a clear way to think about things.

I hear from spouses every day:

  • “My husband refuses to get help for his gambling and substance abuse. He won’t even acknowledge he has a problem.”
  • “My wife is only after me for my money and spends irresponsibly. She refuses to engage in intimacy or conversation.”
  • “My husband has had a mistress for several years. He keeps promising to cut things off with her, but he’s back with her again.”
  • “I’m always walking on eggshells around my husband. I never know what will cause him to fly into a rage. I live in fear.”

You’ve tried to change your spouse – unsuccessfully. You’ve threatened, cried, put up with, tried to let it go, ignored, waited, and anything else you can think of. Perhaps you’ve tried to get professional help and read anything you can find on the subject. You’ve prayed and prayed, and things are still the same. Am I stuck with this miserable marriage forever? Is this “bad enough” for a divorce? Why doesn’t God fix my marriage when I keep asking Him to?

If you want the same results, keep doing the same thing. If you don’t, it’s time for a change. Time for YOU to change.

Feeling emotional, powerless, and desperate is understandable. But decisions made from that mindset almost never result in a good outcome.

No marriage is perfect. You and your spouse are both sinners. However, thoughtfully working through the following 5 areas will provide a framework for you to move forward.

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Couple with Bible
Bible Teaching, Christian Life, Communication, Marriage and Family Life, Marriage and Relationships, Relationships, Spiritual Growth

What God’s Communication can teach us about Communication in Marriage

When we asked couples what they struggle with, communication was Number One. It can feel as though you and your spouse are speaking different languages, and attempts to talk seem to only make things worse. Since we are made in God’s image, looking at God’s communication with us should teach us a lot about healthy communication in marriage.

God is always communicating. The Bible is basically a record of and means of God’s communication with us. “In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe.” (Hebrews 1:1-2)

Imagine God trying to communicate with us. He knows everything, has all the answers, and loves us with a heart that is infinite, passionate, strong, and wise. But we struggle to hear and understand Him. Jesus described it like this: “In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: ‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’” (Matthew 13:14-15)

Talk about a closed heart! Does that sound like your spouse when you try to communicate?

And perhaps it describes you sometimes as well.

But God doesn’t give up, and neither should you.

Here are some aspects of God’s communication with us that can help you in communicating with your spouse.

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Happy Couple Communicating
Communication, Emotional and Mental Health, Overcoming Hardship, Relationships

Translation Aids for Man-Speak and Woman-Speak

Perhaps Rosetta Stone, the language learning/translation software, should develop a program to help you learn what your spouse is really saying. Listening to some husbands and wives try to communicate, you would think they grew up in different countries speaking completely different languages. You need some translation aids for Man-Speak and Woman-Speak.

The problem comes when his English isn’t her English (or Spanish or Swahili or anything else). In truth, even if they did grow up in the same city men and women function very differently when it comes to language and communication. Add to that the different perspectives on life and marriage each grew up in, and it often adds up to learning a whole new language when you get married.

My husband Al would frequently make a summary statement about a practical problem, group of people, business situation, or other matter as if it were fact. I learned that in doing so he was actually asking for my opinion, which he valued highly. He wanted me to affirm his assessment, or to kindly present an alternative view if I saw things differently.

You and your spouse will each have your own unique quirks of communication, and learning those things about each other makes the journey of marriage interesting. But there are some ways in which men and women differ in general that may help you decode your spouse’s communication more quickly.

Keep in mind these are generalities. These translation aids may provide some welcome insight into how your spouse thinks and talks.

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Couple walking together
Emotional and Mental Health, Marriage and Relationships, Relationships, Resources and Links, Spiritual Growth

No Trust in your Marriage: 5 Steps to Care for your Heart

Your spouse cheated – emotionally or physically. You found pornography on their smartphone. Your spouse abuses alcohol or drugs, is physically or verbally abusive, spends money you don’t have, or flies into a rage or cuts you down verbally without warning. You cannot trust they will do what they say or be where they say they will be. Promises are not kept. There is no trust in your marriage.

How are you supposed to live with someone you cannot trust?

Love is to be given freely, unconditionally. You cannot earn true love, control it, or pay for it.

But trust is different. Trust must be earned. Trust that is given indiscriminately is foolish at best and often destructive. Trust is fragile and can be lost in a moment. Rebuilding trust is enormously difficult, and is much more costly than building it originally. Trust is priceless.

So what are you to do when trust has been broken? Is there any hope? Is it ever possible to move on?

Rebuilding trust in marriage can be done. It takes both partners’ investment to make it work, and it takes time. But this article is especially about your own heart in the process. Here are 5 important steps to take when there is no trust in your marriage.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

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