What to do if you Feel Unloved

What to do if you Feel Unloved

Unwanted. Rejected. Second class. Fifth wheel. Unimportant. Not good enough. Lonely. You feel unloved, and it hurts.

You want to be Number One to someone. Perhaps you never felt that from your parents, and you desperately hoped – expected – that you would find that in a spouse. But the right person hasn’t come along. You keep secretly hoping you’ll meet The One before it’s too late, but it’s not looking real good for you right now.

Or you’re married and you’ve discovered that a ring on your finger doesn’t mean you’re Number One to someone in the way you had hoped. You’re disappointed. Why do you feel so lonely and unloved? Wouldn’t your spouse treat you differently if they truly loved you? This Marriage Misery is worse than being single! At least in that case you wouldn’t have your hopes raised – and then squashed into nothingness.

I so badly wanted to be Number One to someone for many years. I was outwardly successful, had friends, and experienced quite a lot of freedom and joy – but I was alone. Some of the people around me were nice enough, but nobody loved me. Not really. Not for me, the whole of me.

Does “God Loves You” even apply to you?

You might say, “That’s just sour grapes. God loves you. And that’s enough.”

You’re right – God loves me. And you. But how does that become enough?

Continue reading...
How to Know God as your Husband

How to Know God as your Husband

There’s that Scripture you know should mean more to you: “Your Maker is your husband.” (Isaiah 54:5) But you’re just not feeling it. You’re single, and you desperately want to feel some “skin in the game,” not some nebulous spiritual platitude. Or you’re married, and if God is anything like your husband you’ll pass, Thank you very much.

God blessed me with over seven years of a loving marriage. I wrote about what it means to find God as your Husband a couple years ago, and my marriage certainly helped me understand some new dimensions of God’s love. Now that I’m single again after my husband’s death the reality of God as my Husband has taken on a new depth once more. And it’s got nothing to do with some nebulous spiritual platitude.

For all the ways in which modern Western society has allowed women to take care of themselves (and that’s a good thing), there’s a part of us that still needs a man. Or at least some of us think we do. Some of us rush from one relationship to the next, unconsciously (or consciously) desperate to find the one who will finally make us OK. Others of us refuse to pretend to need a man, ratcheting up our independence, certain that we’ll be misused or betrayed or at least disappointed – again – if we let our heart risk allowing a member of the male species inside. We may parade our independence in front of our friends, or we may relentlessly complain about how the man we ended up with is making us miserable.

Some of us are miserable without a man. Some of us are miserable with the man we chose. Remember, if you’re out there looking for Mr. Right, there are a lot of married women who be happy to give him to you! Ladies, this ought not to be!

Continue reading...
Women’s Health and Shame

Women’s Health and Shame

Women’s health topics bring up such strong emotions – “for” and “against” and everything in-between. By listening to some people you’d think the most important issues in life, in our culture, in our world, were contraception, abortion, and female sexuality.

OK, so these are important topics. But why do they stir up such strong feelings? Are these issues really as important as the “noise” would have us believe? As important as they are, there must be some deeper issues at play. It’s got to be about more than the simple “medical facts” these issues involve. What is that something deeper?

Why are Women’s Health Topics such a Big Deal?

I answer that here:

In this 3-minute video I talk about why women’s health topics resonate in us as deeply and loudly as they do. It has a lot to do with who we really are as women, the assaults we’ve experienced, and what God wants to do in and for us. Women’s health and shame too often go together, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Continue reading...
When You Pray and are Still Sick

When You Pray and are Still Sick

God is a Healer. That’s His very nature. And yet there are many believers who are still sick. If you’re one of them, you know the internal heart struggle. “He has healed others. Why not me?” “Am I doing something wrong? Should I pray harder?” “It’s my own fault. That’s why I’m not healed.” “Perhaps God really doesn’t still heal today.”

As a physician I’ve seen believers struggle with chronic illness even while they kept on praying. As a wife I continue to pray for my husband’s healing while watching him fight his illness daily. As a minister I’ve prayed for many people who are sick; some of them have been healed, but some of them have not.

One of the strongest impressions I hold in my heart came from an interview I watched some years ago between a middle-aged terminally ill woman and a healing evangelist. I don’t remember the woman’s name, but I know she died a few months later. She told the preacher, “Don’t pray for me to get well. The intimacy I have found with Jesus through my illness is more precious than anything else, and I don’t want to lose that.”

Continue reading...
5 Things the Bible Says to Those who are Depressed

5 Things the Bible Says to Those who are Depressed

Depressed ManSome people live lives filled with trouble or trauma, and it’s easy to understand why they feel tired, down, and gloomy. Some have a medical illness or are taking life-saving medication with the side effect of making them feel sad or hopeless. Some are genetically predisposed to look at the world through dark lenses and struggle to be able to feel any joy. Some have simply learned to focus on what’s wrong in the world.

Whether you are depressed because of a “biochemical imbalance”, because your life is outwardly extraordinarily difficult, or just because that’s how you see life, you’re not alone. Many believers – and some of God’s best friends throughout history – have struggled in this way.

But that’s not the end of the story. Your struggle is no surprise to God. Here are some things the Bible says to those who are depressed:

Continue reading...