How to Bring God Into Your Marriage Bedroom

How to Bring God Into Your Marriage Bedroom

You bring God into your schedule, your checkbook, your media viewing habits, your parenting, your job. Or at least you try to. But how do you bring God into your marriage bedroom? And how do you do that?

Sex is a built-in need of human beings. Some use that truth to try and justify whatever sexual behavior they desire, or to aggressively force a spouse to engage in sex on demand. Others, especially those who have been harmed, sometimes brutally, by sexual acts or messages, think perhaps God made a mistake in creating us as sexual beings.

We get into trouble when sex and faith are kept apart. Spiritual leaders fall into adultery and scandal. Children who grew up hearing “Don’t do it” become sexually active the moment they are outside the boundaries of family or church. Marriages that may look good to the outside world are torn apart from the inside by pornography, domestic violence, disappointment, and more. Sex (or withholding it) becomes a weapon instead of the bond God intended it to be.

So what does it look like to bring faith and sex together? Specifically, how do you bring God into your marriage bedroom?

  1. Believe that God created sex. Physical intimacy between husband and wife was meant by God to be comforting, exhilarating, tender, exciting, bonding, and more. That foundation would then provide a healthy place to bring a child into: hence the connection between procreation and unity in godly sex. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled.” (Heb. 13:4) Sadly, how far we have fallen!
  2. Focus more on your spouse’s needs than your own. Sex is more about giving than receiving. And it is at its best when both partners work first to satisfy each other. This is, of course, the opposite of using sex as a weapon. That includes stretching yourself to be intimate at a frequency (either less or more) that your spouse needs. “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Phil. 2:4)
  3. Get your sexual needs met ONLY from your spouse. Sex is a two-way street. That’s why it’s so risky – and exhilarating. But the only legitimate place to get those needs met is from your spouse. “Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.” (Prov. 5:18)
  4. Respect each other’s physical needs and desires. The biggest turnoff to your spouse is likely a distant, demanding demeanor. No more condescending comments, avoiding your spouse, or using Scripture as a weapon to either demand or refuse sex. “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.” (1 Cor. 7:3) The word “affection” here includes both emotional kindness and physical affection.
  5. Let God deal with all the other parts of your marriage. Fatigue, physical illness, stress, marital conflict, previous trauma – all these and more will impact your physical intimacy together. If God is a natural part of your life together in other ways, it will be easier to make Him part of your physical intimacy also. “But we all … are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. (2 Cor. 3:18)
  6. Extend grace to each other. People make mistakes. You make mistakes. God has extended grace to you: it’s important to extend grace to your spouse. That doesn’t mean continuing to be harmed if abuse is ongoing, but it does mean learning to forgive each other when you need to. “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Col 3:13, NIV)
  7. Have a 3-part conversation about sexual intimacy. Yes, that means you and your spouse pray about sex. Together, and individually. Loving well, including sexual love, can only fully happen when you invite and allow God’s love to flow through you. He will hold you together if you invite Him to. “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mat 19:6)

Does this guarantee complete sexual fulfillment every time you desire it with your spouse?

No. But I can assure you that the only way to give yourself a chance of that kind of fulfillment is to have God as a regular partner in your bedroom.

The ONLY other partner.

Here’s to a growing, fulfilling intimacy between you and your spouse – and God!

Your Turn: Are there any other factors important in bringing God into your marriage bedroom? Leave a comment below.

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Forgiveness Is Not Enough

SinnersPrayer2Oh Happy Day, Oh Happy Day when Jesus washed my sins away!”

That gospel song speaks to the awesome forgiveness we experience as Christians as a result of what Jesus has done for us. And how we all need it! Nothing in my past held against me. I’m washed clean.

Some variety of the sinner’s prayer is often promoted as the critical step in becoming a Christian:

“Dear Jesus, I am sorry for my sins. I believe you are the Son of God, who came and died and rose again for me. Please forgive me of my sins, and come into my heart. Amen.”

Oh Happy Day, indeed!

But that’s not enough. The forgiveness step in salvation, as wonderful as it is, is only one small piece. Jesus, Paul, and other New Testament writers present a much more radical picture of what it means to become a follower of Jesus.

Paul said clearly, “If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Rom. 10:9) That’s clear. Believe in your heart. Confess with your mouth. You are saved! Hallelujah!

But that’s only the beginning.

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What’s Different After Good Friday?

Three CrossesIn a word, EVERYTHING is different!

How well I remember the Good Friday when everything changed for me. I had gone to church all my life, but something was terribly wrong. I knew a lot about God, but I didn’t know HIM. That night it all changed. It happened to be on a Good Friday when I met Jesus. Right then my spirit became alive, and everything else followed.

It took some time for God to “grow me up.” I had a lot of things to learn, and a lot of old stuff to get rid of. Life still happens.

But I’m different. I’m confident in the end of the story, and that God’s work in me and through me will be accomplished.

Paul said, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (1 Cor 5:17). That’s the central message of the cross. We sometimes forget that becoming a new creation is still a process. But the only reason we have any hope at all of becoming new is because of Jesus.

Here are some things that are different because of what Jesus did on Good Friday:

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When It’s OK To Ask God For Things

When It’s OK To Ask God For Things

Yes, I ask God for things. This morning I asked God for something specific. It’s something big, at least in my eyes. I’m sure in God’s eyes it’s not a big thing at all.

Have you asked God for something specific? Are you still waiting for an answer? Have you wondered whether it’s really OK to ask God for things?

Just a couple weeks ago my husband Al and I were watching our two older grandchildren for the evening. Andrew is seven, and he was excited about the movie Frozen he had seen, as well as about his upcoming birthday. He wanted the video, and was not ashamed to ask, “Can you get that video for me when I turn eight?”

If you’re a parent (or grandparent!) you know how much you love giving gifts large and small to your children. If one of them is in trouble, or hurting, you want them to come to you for help. You would be embarrassed and upset if they felt they couldn’t ask you.

But if the only time your children spoke to you is to ask for something, you would also be upset. (Sadly, sometimes that does happen.) You want other things for your children also. You want them to grow up, to be grateful, to become strong, and in the process you want more from your relationship with them than only giving them gifts.

God calls Himself our Father. And the Bible affirms that He loves to give us good gifts! (Matt. 7:11) Can you imagine how hurt He must be when we shrink back from asking Him for the things we need, and even want? He loves to be the One we come to when we are in trouble or in need.

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2 Questions to Help You Decide If Your Marriage Is Too Destructive To Save

2 Questions to Help You Decide If Your Marriage Is Too Destructive To Save

I’m going to try something dangerous. I’m going to write about something I have only observed at close hand, though I have not personally experienced it from the inside.

I want to share my heart about facing a difficult or destructive marriage. (And those two questions to ask come at the end of this post.)

My fear is that someone in a dangerously destructive marriage will hear something in my writing that encourages them to stay, or that someone who is unhappy will hear something in my writing that encourages them to go when the marriage might be saved.

But perhaps that struggle is exactly where these thoughts can be helpful. I offer them with humility and with hope that you find them encouraging. Some such marriages I have observed:

  • A family member’s marriage marred by repeated infidelity and violence.
  • A good friend whose husband abandoned her while she was pregnant. Twice.
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