6 Ways To Answer When Your Spouse Asks, “What’s Wrong?”

6 Ways To Answer When Your Spouse Asks, “What’s Wrong?”

How many times has your spouse asked you, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you answer.

But that doesn’t fix anything. It may even make things even worse.

Your spouse is talking, and you’re not quite present. You seem a little distracted, or irritable. You’re a little less attentive than you usually are, and even forget something you were supposed to take care of. You get upset at something that normally wouldn’t bother you.

And God forbid it gets as bad as it did for George Baily in It’s A Wonderful Life. George comes home after the bank deposit has been lost and begins snapping at Mary and the children. Of course she asks, “What’s wrong, George?” He can’t bring himself to tell Mary about what has happened, and things go downhill from there.

If your spouse is sensitive at all, they will know when something isn’t quite right with you even when you think you’re covering it up quite well. That’s both good and bad: you may not really want to talk about it with him/her right then, because then you would have to worry about their reaction to the problem as well as the problem itself.

And so you answer, “Nothing.”

I’ve learned that answering “Nothing” usually adds to my husband’s anxiety if he senses that something is wrong. It’s easy for him to worry that he has done something to make me unhappy, or imagine that I’m stewing on a really big problem he’s not aware of.

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The ONE Thing Guaranteed To Destroy Your Marriage

The ONE Thing Guaranteed To Destroy Your Marriage

It’s not sex, or lack thereof. It’s not fights over money or in-laws. It’s not personality conflicts or differing expectations or changes in health. But it’s none of those things that will really destroy your marriage.

It’s what makes most marriages crumble that are affected by the enormous obstacles of domestic violence, addiction, or infidelity, while some similarly affected marriages survive and eventually thrive.

It’s what makes some marriages totally destructive and miserable even though husband and wife still have a ring on their finger.

It’s the one thing God wants to help you eliminate from your marriage so that you and your spouse can live happily ever after.

That ONE thing?

What’s In It For Me?

WIIFM is the deadliest virus that can infect a marriage.

It takes two for a marriage to work. And if either partner is infected with WIIFM it may eventually destroy the marriage. If BOTH husband and wife are free of this deadly disease they can overcome just about any obstacle.

You can’t cure your partner; you can only inspect and eradicate this virus from yourself. Or more correctly, ask God to cure you.

So what about those tricky problems that are normally blamed for destroying a marriage? Here’s what a few of them would look like with and without WIIFM:

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Getting Over A Bad Attitude

Bad AttitudeA bad attitude isn’t all in your head. Sometimes it’s very much in your body as well.

A bad attitude certainly spills over into your spirit. And it certainly affects the people around you also.

Choosing your attitude may seem impossible at first, but it’s a skill you can develop. A good attitude doesn’t mean denying the negative things in your life, family, or world. But it means you actively choose how you will think and act in relation to them.

One of the most powerful positive attitudes is hope. The Bible says we are saved by hope! (Romans 8:24) Science has been able to demonstrate the powerful positive effects of hope. Believing and expecting that something good can happen can block physical pain. Even a little hope causes the brain to release endorphins and enkephalins that can eliminate pain and provide a sense of well-being.[i] Hope can change the function of portions of the brain and nervous system, vascular system, gastrointestinal system, and your response to stress.

Hope, specifically, does not mean ignoring reality. Hope means looking clearly at the challenges you face, moving beyond the fear, and focusing on what you CAN change.

For example, in the face of cancer hope does not mean denying the diagnosis. It does mean understanding all you can about your illness, and grabbing hold of every available treatment (medical help, nutrition, prayer, etc). And hope may not always mean a cure; it may mean getting the most out of every day you have left on this earth.

When challenges come some people naturally feel more hopeful than others. Emotions can change slowly. But you can choose to focus on things you do have control over, on whatever is positive around you, and on the differences you can make in your world. Those things may seem small, but choosing to focus on them will have a positive impact on your physical and your mental health. You’ll feel better, and so will those around you!

So what does a biblical, godly attitude look like? Check these points:

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Five Do’s and Don’ts for Singles

The Single LifeIt’s not easy being single. Loneliness can make you vulnerable. If you do want a relationship, your efforts to develop one can feel frustrating or hopeless.

Maybe you’re single because you saw or experienced pain in other marriages you knew (such as your parents), and haven’t wanted to even consider the idea. Maybe you’re single because you got sexually involved in multiple relationships in the past and struggle now with guilt and wondering if anyone would want you. Maybe you’re single because you got out of a bad marriage, and now you’re saddled with all the baggage – both good and bad.

Or maybe you’re single just because – you’re single.

And why does everyone keep asking your relationship status anyway? Isn’t it enough to just be you?!

Remember that a bad marriage is so much worse than being single. If you don’t believe that, take a poll of your married friends. There are plenty of unhappily married people who would be glad to trade problems with you!

But knowing that doesn’t ease the loneliness you may feel, or answer the “Why” questions. So, what to do?

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A Different Response To Victoria Osteen’s Comment

Following JesusCyperspace has recently been filled with reaction to a comment by Victoria Osteen: “When we obey God … we’re doing it for ourself.” Most of the reaction among the rest of the Christian community has been strongly negative. Facebook posts have lampooned her. Other YouTube videos have been created expressing disgust. Victoria and Joel Osteen are no strangers to controversy, but this recent barrage has been particularly nasty.

I have never been to Lakewood. I do not watch Joel Osteen on TV. My comments are strictly theological.  I am not defending Victoria. I disagree with several aspects of their ministry. But I would like to offer an alternative way to think about this controversy.

Jesus said, “Follow Me. Keep My commandments.” (Matt. 16:24, John 14:15) There’s no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.

However, Jesus understood motivation. He certainly promised good things to His followers.

Then Peter began to say to Him, “See, we have left all and followed You.” So Jesus answered and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time — houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions — and in the age to come, eternal life.” Mark 10:28-30

So here’s the thought. The important thing is that we obey God and follow Jesus. Period.

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