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Woman on a mountain
Bible Teaching, Christian Life, Emotional and Mental Health, Overcoming Hardship, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Struggle

When You’re Still Afraid and Anxious after you Pray

Jesus and His disciples are in the boat on the Sea of Galilee. The wind and waves are about to take them out. The disciples are in a panic. Jesus stands up and with a word calms the storm. And then He has the audacity to say to them, “Why were you afraid? Why were you afraid when I was with you?” (See Mark 4:40)

Why were you afraid? We were about to be dead! Didn’t you see?!

No wonder the disciples were astonished.

You may be in the same place now. Circumstances and your own mind make it seem as though fear and worry is the only option. You pray, but your head is still afraid and anxious after you pray.

I’ve been asked by several people recently, “Why doesn’t God heal me from my anxiety?” “Is anxiety and fear something a person can ever really get past?” “Why don’t my prayers take care of my fear and anxiety?”

I understand the question. I’ve been there. Only God knows every detail of your genetics, mind, and circumstances, etc., and He deals with each person individually. But from my own personal experience and from what I read in God’s word, “giving up” is what’s NOT an option. You don’t have to succumb to a life of fear and anxiety. There are too many promises of a sound mind, too many directives to “fear not,” too many stories of people (including me – and Peter) who have truly put fear and anxiety in their rear-view mirror forever to say that you have to be stuck there.

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Settlement
Christian Life, Overcoming Hardship, Resources and Links, Spiritual Struggle

Worry about Material Things: What to Know and Do

Of course you worry when there’s no money in the bank, no food in the house, no immediate prospect of adequate income, and the only phone calls or mail you receive are creditors asking for money. God knew we would worry about material things. And His word has a lot to say about it.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs begins with the basics: food, water, shelter, clothing, and safety. Human beings cannot survive without those needs being met.

And God knows that.

I know what it’s like to worry about material thing. Some years ago I moved from one state to another. My new medical license was delayed, and for a period of six months I had no income. None. I remember what a struggle it was to go to sleep at night while worrying about bills and basic necessities – until I learned these principles.

Matthew 6 became very meaningful to me during that time. Since God knows you and I have need of these material things, we don’t have to worry about them. (Matthew 6:32) Jesus says repeatedly, “Don’t worry about it!”

Jesus is not advocating denying our need for food and shelter. But giving in to worry about it is neither useful nor godly.

Here are three things to know and three things to do when you wrestle with worry about material things.

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Couple walking together
Emotional and Mental Health, Marriage and Relationships, Relationships, Resources and Links, Spiritual Growth

No Trust in your Marriage: 5 Steps to Care for your Heart

Your spouse cheated – emotionally or physically. You found pornography on their smartphone. Your spouse abuses alcohol or drugs, is physically or verbally abusive, spends money you don’t have, or flies into a rage or cuts you down verbally without warning. You cannot trust they will do what they say or be where they say they will be. Promises are not kept. There is no trust in your marriage.

How are you supposed to live with someone you cannot trust?

Love is to be given freely, unconditionally. You cannot earn true love, control it, or pay for it.

But trust is different. Trust must be earned. Trust that is given indiscriminately is foolish at best and often destructive. Trust is fragile and can be lost in a moment. Rebuilding trust is enormously difficult, and is much more costly than building it originally. Trust is priceless.

So what are you to do when trust has been broken? Is there any hope? Is it ever possible to move on?

Rebuilding trust in marriage can be done. It takes both partners’ investment to make it work, and it takes time. But this article is especially about your own heart in the process. Here are 5 important steps to take when there is no trust in your marriage.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

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Happy Couple
Communication, Emotional and Mental Health, Marriage and Family Life, Marriage and Relationships, Spiritual Growth

The Key to Solving Communication Problems in Your Marriage

If your attempts at communicating with your spouse leave you frustrated, angry, and feeling even more distant, you’re not alone. In our recent marriage survey, 70% of the hundreds of couples who responded said they wanted better communication in their marriage. But there is an almost magic key to solving communication problems that can change everything.

Healthy communication doesn’t happen by accident. It’s a skill you learn. Think of how your communication normally happens. You try to express something important to your spouse. They react defensively and give a prickly response. Your already-stirred-up emotions get even hotter and your response back makes them even more defensive. The fight is on.

Is it any wonder that many spouses put up an internal wall and shrink from even trying to engage in real communication?

It’s time to reverse things.

Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.”

Did you get that? It’s a fool who focuses primarily on sharing his/her own thoughts and feelings. The opposite is to find pleasure in understanding. Here’s how that translates into communication with your spouse:

Seek to Understand before Being Understood

Steven Covey made that principle popular years ago, but it’s never been more important for solving communication problems in marriage.

This key solved a thorny issue in my own marriage.

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Emotions
Emotional and Mental Health, Overcoming Hardship, Spiritual Growth

5 Ways to Befriend Your Feelings

Feelings are fickle. They’re real, but they’re unreliable. Emotions can be affected by everything happening both inside you and around you. You may see your emotions as overwhelming, and think you are at their mercy. I’d like to help you befriend your feelings instead of feeling like you are their victim.

Without emotions life would be colorless and purely clinical. God built us with the capacity to experience sadness, anger, pain, grief, fatigue, peace, joy, hope, and love. Many of those encompass more than just feelings, but you can’t experience any of them without feelings. Jesus expressed and experienced them all.

This past year I’ve experienced plenty of times when emotions felt overwhelming while I’ve walked my journey of grief. I’m also grateful that I had learned previously, and am learning again, what to do with feelings when they come.

You know that letting your emotions control you is neither healthy nor godly, but neither is stuffing and denying them. So here are some key steps to help you befriend your feelings, and make your emotions work for you rather than against you.

Befriend Your Feelings

1. Both “positive” and “negative” emotions are legitimate and can be healthy.

Shutting down negative feelings means cutting yourself off from the positive feelings also; you can’t be open to experiencing one without the other. The pleasure center and pain center in your brain are not completely separate. The opposite of love is not anger, but apathy. Deep pain can be very close to deep love and profound meaning.

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