You could handle the little things, or so you tell yourself. You could pick up his dirty clothes now and then, or overlook the times she forgot to tell you about a purchase she’d made. But this time it’s really BIG. Your spouse has messed up badly. It’s all you can think about, and you’re not sure you can live with the consequences.
We’re talking about such BIG marriage problems that your relationship is truly threatened. Little ongoing frustrations may eat away at you, but those are for another time. This is about the BIG stuff.
- You find pornography on your spouse’s computer
- You discover your spouse has been abusing drugs or alcohol – again
- Your spouse has lied to you about something big – a huge financial mistake, telling you they were one place when they were somewhere else, etc.
- A fight with your spouse becomes physical and you felt truly afraid
- You find evidence your spouse is having an affair
Your mind is swirling. How could they do this to you? Shouldn’t you have seen the red flags earlier? Aren’t you supposed to forgive people, even your spouse, when they mess up? How could you ever do that? Hurt, confusion, anger, fear, despair, guilt, shame – it’s overwhelming.
One article such as this can’t tell you everything you need to know about dealing with such BIG marriage problems. But I can give you a framework for the questions to ask and the ways to think about what to do next. You can use these steps to get clarity about your marriage situation and about the actions you may need to take.
If Your Spouse has Messed Up Badly:
What’s really going on here?