I often have to remind couples of this truth as I am helping them through the journey of infertility.

By the time they come to see me most of these couples are frustrated, disappointed, anxious, and tired. Tired of counting cycle days, tired of watching the calendar, tired of hoping again every month only to be let down once more.

And tired of always having to perform in the bedroom.

If you haven’t experienced that pressure it may be hard to understand how difficult it can be to have sex on demand. Sex becomes an act on a stage. Trying to create life becomes a chore. Feelings of shame or blame flow between partners. Much of the joy and spontaneity is often lost.

And of course that’s not what sex is about. Or at least shouldn’t be about.

It’s one of the wonders of how God created us that new life would only flow from the magical mystery of two human beings coming together in the most vulnerable and intimate way, and becoming one. Of course our understanding of biology has removed much of the mystery. And the overwhelming pain that has come from distorted sexuality has taken away the magic for many people.

But we must be careful to not accept plastic pictures for the real thing. There’s a part of our soul that only the real thing will satisfy.

The intimacy we crave takes nurturing, care, and patience.

How tragic for a couple to put all their emotional and financial resources into getting pregnant, finally be successful – but lose their relationship in the process.

I make a point to tell couples that there may be 3 or 4 days a month when they have to be concerned about sex for performance. But the rest of the time, make it about the two of you! If God blesses you with a baby you want to be sure you have a family, a home, to bring that baby into.

Perhaps all married couples would do well to remember that sexual intimacy is about THE TWO OF YOU! Focus on keeping the connection strong between you: that’s what it’s all about.

Your turn: Has intimacy become a chore in your relationship? How can you keep that from happening? Leave a comment below. 

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