When we surveyed hundreds of couples young and old about what they wanted in their relationship, by far the most common thing was better communication. Even more than sex or spiritual connection or finances. All those things are important, of course! But communication is the door to intimacy and all other good things.

Why not give your marriage the gift of communication this Christmas?

Fights. The silent treatment. Feeling misunderstood. Is that what communication has looked like for you? It’s possible to re-set the communication between you, and learn skills that will bring understanding, connection, and a chance for true intimacy.

Yes, it takes two to communicate. You cannot force your spouse. But your spouse would like to be better understood. If you start there, all kinds of other good things become possible.

So here are some tools to help you give your marriage the gift of communication this year.

1. Communication Personality Assessment

This doesn’t cost a penny. It only costs a few moments of your time.

It may seem that you and your spouse are talking different languages. This Communication Personality Assessment will help you understand your own style, and provide some insights on how you can use your style to communicate more effectively with your spouse. It will also help you understand your spouse’s style more.

Even better would be for both you and your spouse to take this brief Assessment individually. Then look at your individualized results, and compare notes. Your communication will be better as a result.

2. Guide to Healthy Communication in Marriage

Does communication between you and your spouse get lost in translation?

In this Guide to Healthy Communication in Marriage, you will find a blueprint to:

• Understanding and embracing personality and gender differences that affect communication.
• Focusing on the most important goal of communication in marriage.
• Taking practical steps that set you and your spouse up for communication success.
• Working through simple communication exercises designed to defuse conflict and bring understanding.

This Guide also comes with practical worksheets to help you:

• Develop a specific plan for having “The Talk”
• Address topics difficult to talk about including sex, money, and blended family issues.
• Set up a rhythm of healthy communication for the future.

And it comes with an 8-week follow-up Communication Challenge to help you implement these ideas in your marriage.

Won’t you give your marriage the gift of communication this Christmas?

Your Turn: How has the communication been between you? What step are you going to take next? Leave a comment below.

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• If your marriage suffers from less-than-enough connection and intimacy, perhaps the best gift you can give your marriage this Christmas is the gift of communication. Here’s how to do that.   Tweet that.