How do you find freedom from compulsive sexual behavior? What does it look like? What does it take to get there?
I’ve been overwhelmed by your response to my post last week about Dealing with Masturbation and Pornography as a Christian. I’ve heard from men and women all over the world who are crying out for freedom. And I’m here to tell you that God has a way out! There is a pathway to freedom! And that’s what this post is about.
This is not for you if you wonder whether what you’re doing is wrong. It’s not for you if pornography and/or masturbation is not your struggle. It’s not for you if you think maybe you should “cut down” on your consumption of compulsive sexuality.
But if the Holy Spirit has put His finger on this part of your life and said, “This right here; it needs to stop. Let Me have this!”, then this post is for you.
This is for you if you’re sick and tired of the bondage, the hiding, the shame and the guilt. It is for you if you’re ready to do whatever it takes to find freedom. It is for you if you’re ready to fight with everything in your being to experience Christ’s victory in this area of your life.
You cannot be successful in this journey by going half-way. If you’re not all in, you’ll fail. Jesus has freedom available for you, but you cannot do your own thing in one area and expect to win a battle with compulsive sexual behavior.
This means war!
So pick up your sword, get furiously angry at your bondage and the one holding you there, and get ready to do the work ahead of you. As Mel Gibson when he played William Wallace, find the scream in the bottom of your soul and cry out with all your might,
FREEDOM!
7 Steps to Freedom
Here’s what it takes to get there.
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Renounce any and all sexual brokenness from your past and present.
It’s a rare human being indeed, if any exist, who does not have some brokenness in their sexual past and/or present. Sexual abuse as a child, sexual trauma as an adult, sexual relationships outside of marriage, all kinds of compulsive sexual behavior – whether someone did it to you or you did it to yourself, renounce it all.
This is not the time to wallow in condemnation. Remember, there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1) Condemnation is always the devil’s work. The Holy Spirit brings conviction, and that leads up and into the light.
Part of renouncing is getting rid of all known triggers. Put blocking software on your internet-connected devices and your TV. Throw out any and all physical magazines, pictures, etc. Delete and clean your hard drives. Remember, this means war! You’ve got to go for broke.
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Come into the light with your sexual brokenness.
Shame and guilt live in the dark. Once you bring your brokenness into the light, it loses some of its sting. You hide your pornography and masturbation, don’t you? That must end.
If you’re married, tell your spouse. Everything. And you also must have safe same-sex believers to walk this journey with you. It may be hardest step in your journey to find others, admit your bondage, and ask them to walk with you. But it’s essential if you want to live in freedom. Just do it!
If you haven’t checked them out already, here are some resources that will help you get in community:
- www.xxxchurch.com – resources for men and women struggling with pornography and their loved ones
- Every Man’s Battle – resources to help men live with sexual integrity
- SHE Recovery – help for women struggling with sexual brokenness
- Covenant Eyes – internet filtering software to help protect you from pornography
- Be Broken – resources to help you discover God’s design for sex, sexuality, and intimacy
- Pure Desire – helping men, women, and couples take their lives back from unwanted sexual behaviors and betrayal trauma
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Agree with God’s truth about sex and sexuality.
God created sex to be ravishingly enjoyed between one man and one woman in marriage. Any other uses dishonor Him and damages your soul. If you do not agree with that statement, this is the time to do some serious Bible study, soul-searching, and deep prayer. Remember, you’re not looking for God to agree with you. This is war! You absolutely must find and choose to believe the truth if you want freedom.
God created us humans as sexual beings to provide a picture of the sacred bond God desires between Himself and His people. (Ephesians 5:32) That means He wants that kind of bond with you. YOU! No wonder the devil has worked so hard to destroy us through sexuality.
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Acknowledge that Satan uses sex and sexuality to pervert, destroy, and enslave you.
The devil uses sex and sexuality so often because he knows he’s so often successful here. Sexual brokenness and compulsion creates such overwhelming shame and guilt. The world’s answer is “just don’t feel guilty.” But you and I are not of this world. We belong to the kingdom of God. And remember, this means war!
The devil is out to get you in your areas of weakness – not because you are such a special prize, but because he hates your Heavenly Father with a vengeance you and I cannot fully comprehend. When the enemy hurts and enslaves you, he wounds the heart of your Father. Remember who your enemy is, and why he hates you so much.
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Claim Jesus’ victory as your own – in every area including sexuality.
Finding victory from sexual compulsion won’t come in a vacuum. It will come as part of God’s restoration of His image in you. That means when the Holy Spirit puts His finger on something your life – anything – and says, “Here, let Me have this,” let Him have it. When He tells you to do something, do it. When He says something to you, believe it. Give God complete permission to change your whole character.
If you don’t have an understanding of the victory Jesus gained at the cross over the devil and his entire kingdom of darkness, undertake that study now. The name of Jesus is higher than any other name. And at the name of Jesus EVERY knee will bow – including compulsive sexual behavior. (Philippians 2:10)
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Feed your mind and spirit wholesome nourishment daily.
Sexual compulsion often thrives in a vacuum. Boredom, loneliness, or other emptiness is no excuse! But just as your physical body grows stronger with nourishing food, you will grow in experiencing Christ’s victory faster by taking in good soul nourishment daily. That means prayer and Bible reading, but it also means healthy relationships with other believers, inspiring media (not entertainment), books or podcasts that stretch your mind, etc.
Part of this is deciding ahead of time what you will do when temptation strikes. Plan in advance something godly that will put your mind and soul in the right position to resist. That may be agreeing with your spouse that you will wake them at any hour of the night if necessary. It may be a book you will read, a friend you will call, a physical activity you will engage in. Remember that sexual compulsion strikes most when you are alone and at night. Plan in advance what you will do.
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Plead the blood of Jesus over your life – spirit, soul, and body, daily.
You cannot, you dare not, go into this battle without the protection of the blood of Jesus. I strongly encourage you to plead the blood of Jesus daily, OUT LOUD! Say, “Heavenly Father, I plead the blood of Jesus over my life today – spirit, soul, and body. Let nothing affect me or anything that has to do with me except that which comes through the blood of Jesus. I claim the cleansing and protection of the blood of Jesus over my mind and my entire being today.” And do this daily. Yes, that’s right. Every. Single. Day!
I did not always know how to fight spiritually. Some years ago I faced what I euphemistically call my “four years of hell.” It was through pleading the blood of Jesus over my life daily that I found freedom. And that is still something I do to this day. Out loud. Every single day. Without fail. I’ve done it now for almost 20 years, and I’m not about to stop!
Will this be easy? No. Nothing really worthwhile ever is. And certainly no overwhelming spiritual battle such as that against sexual compulsion will ever be easy.
I’ve been brutal in these points, but that what soldiers do. If you want victory, you’ve got to stand firmly on God’s side. You take no prisoners!
Will you fall down in your journey to freedom? Perhaps. Does that mean you have failed? No. Just get up again, go through the 7 steps again if you need to, and keep walking. The devil only wins if you quit.
Permanent Victory
There are at least three aspects to your freedom that will take time. If you get these confused, you’ll wallow in guilt and shame. Get this right, and you’ll experience increasing degrees of freedom.
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Cleansing your old thoughts and behavior patterns.
Even if the devil never did one more thing to harass you, your own thoughts and habits may well present a battle. Don’t get your own thoughts confused with the devil. Keep claiming Jesus’ cleansing blood over you, and when you recognize an old sexual pattern, turn it over to Him. That’s another reason why you must take in nourishing mental/spiritual food on a daily basis.
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Healing of the wounds in your body, soul, and spirit.
Once you’re clean, you are still wounded. You may be vulnerable and sensitive in ways you wouldn’t have been otherwise. You may struggle with feeling weak or “less than” or useless. It may take time to come to the place where you FEEL clean and whole. Keep coming back into God’s presence and He will bring you healing. Believe in healing. Choose it. Seek it. Decide to take God’s healing into your being.
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Learning to walk in Christ’s victory.
Spiritual warfare is not about flinging around some spiritual weapons in some frantic attempt to feel better. Instead, spiritual warfare is about standing firmly on God’s side regardless of what the enemy throws at you. Don’t worry about the devil; pay attention to what God has given you to do. Just do the next right thing, the next thing God puts in front of you to do. That’s your place of safety and victory.
What Freedom Looks Like
I share Deborah’s story again here in case you haven’t read it previously. Let it inspire you and increase faith in your soul for your own freedom.
I am from Senegal, born in a Muslim family. In December 2002 I came to America to study and met with some Christian friends but I did not want to hear about Christ. Sometime later I started watching pornography and self-masturbating. As a result I started experiencing an ongoing daily supernatural and unwanted sexual relationship with a demon – a “spirit husband”.
One day I was just sick and tired of my life and asked God to show me the way to follow for my life, even if it meant Jesus. I went to bed, and when I woke up I could hear, “Jesus”, “Jesus”, “Jesus”. My friend gave me the number of a pastor who used to be a Muslim. He led me to Christ that day and I told him about that spirit husband. He prayed over the phone and commanded that spirit never to touch me again and I have not had that kind of encounter again.
As soon as I said the prayer of salvation, I felt a huge load being taken off my shoulders. It was physical, like when you are carrying something very heavy on your shoulders and someone stronger just picks it up for you. The Lord delivered me effortlessly from so many fears. I now can look at tombs without being afraid of death. What a relief!!! The Lord also delivered me from the spirit of pornography and masturbation. All these deliverances took place without me having to make any effort; I guess it just came with my salvation.
When my family found out I had become a Christian they disowned me. For four years they completely ignored me but Jesus has started to work things out. I have a much bigger family now since I joined God’s family, so many people who love and care for me and I have never lacked anything.
Remember, what He’s done for others, He will do for you!
Why did Deborah receive such dramatic deliverance? God works in each person’s life in a unique way, and only He knows every detail of her deliverance – or yours. But one aspect of her story is clear; she was all in!
For Deborah, claiming Jesus as the Lord of her life meant a radical change in – EVERYTHING!
Have you been that radical with God? If you are holding anything back, the devil will use it to get to you.
This does not mean that if you are still in the battle that you are necessarily doing something wrong. But it does mean that it will take this kind of sold-out radical falling-on-Jesus to find your freedom and live in victory.
And one last thing; if you’re reading this, IT’S NOT TOO LATE! It doesn’t matter how little or big your battle, how long you’ve been in bondage, what “shallow” or deep perversion you have been hooked by, or how many attempts you have made to find freedom in the past. If you’re reading this, the Holy Spirit is working on your heart and saying, “Now is the time. Let me change you here!”
That’s what fighting for your freedom looks like. That’s what it takes.
Let me pray for you.
Heavenly Father, I plead the blood of Jesus over that one reading right now. Speak to their heart that it’s not too late, that You love them, and that Your Son’s victory is available for them – right now. Cleanse them in spirit, soul, and body. Empower them by your Holy Spirit to stand against Your enemy and theirs by your grace. May they experience complete and total freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. May they become a demonstration that what the enemy meant for harm, You have turned into glorious victory. May they be a walking, living advertisement for what the blood of Jesus can do still today. Amen.
I need to hear from you. Let me know either in the comments below or through the Contact page how you are fighting for your freedom. And let me know of the victory Jesus ministers to you through His Holy Spirit.
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Interested in more to help you live FULLY ALIVE?
Jesus wants you FREE! Our free Resource Guide is not about pornography. But it will give you some practical tools to help you live in freedom in every area of your life.
