A young wife asked me, “How can I respect and love my husband while making God first? Isn’t my husband supposed to be Number 1 to me? But then does that mean I’m not honoring God? I’m confused.”

I’m sure my friend is not the only one who is sometimes confused. If you are a woman who wants to honor both God and your husband, how do you do that? Who comes first? God comes first, right? But what does that do to your husband’s heart? You want him to be the spiritual head of your home, don’t you? How can he be your spiritual head and also a competitor with God in your heart? Something is wrong in how we talk about all this.

This confusion has come primarily through our Christian lingo. And I’ve been guilty of it at times myself. God never intended this to be confusing. He intended the Christian life to bring husband and wife closer together, not drive them apart.

A few do’s and don’ts that may help:

  • DON’T depend on your husband for all your spiritual needs. God will work through him to bless you. But your strength and fulfillment comes directly from God, not from your husband.
  • DON’T endlessly talk about Jesus as if he were your boyfriend in front of your husband. God works differently in men’s and women’s hearts: respect your husband enough to understand what this means to him.
  • DON’T expect God to work in your husband’s life in exactly the same way he works in yours. Be alert to what God is doing in his heart. Be supportive, not nagging, in his spiritual growth.
  • DON’T display your spiritual prowess in an attempt to show him up. And believe me, he will pick up on your attitude if you think you are more spiritually advanced than he is. And it will totally turn him off – to you, and possibly even to God.

And now, a few things that you can do:

  • DO consistently search for ways you can show husband how much you both respect and love him. Give him no reason to ever question either your love or your respect.
  • DO spend your own time with God. Pray for your husband. Pray for your own heart: that’s when you get your own soul filled up. And spend time listening to what God says to you in how to deal with your husband.
  • DO find ways to serve your husband, and do it as if you are serving the Lord. Be assured you are pleasing God just as much when you cook his favorite meal or connect with him sexually as when you pray for him.
  • DO honor your husband’s spiritual journey. Your job is not Junior Holy Spirit: you are his WIFE! Relish the joy of that role. You don’t have to change him. When opportunities arise, join hands (literally or figuratively) in following God together.

Honoring and loving God should make you honor and love your husband more than ever. You’ll both be glad you did.

P.S. This isn’t a one-way street. Next time we’ll talk about Do’s and Don’ts for Husbands.

Your turn: How does your spiritual life impact how you interact with your husband? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

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