Remember when you and your sweetheart would talk for hours, about anything and everything? There was never enough time. But as the years have passed, you may struggle to find fresh things to talk about. You could use some triggers to get the conversation flowing again, some Date Night Questions that might bring you closer together.

You’ll get the most out of these kinds of conversations by approaching them with an attitude of curiosity, generosity, and vulnerability. Don’t assume you know how your spouse will answer.

Here’s a bunch of possibilities to get you talking. I suggest you start with choosing two or three, and write them down. Then over coffee, while sitting under the stars, or while enjoying a leisurely desert, ask the questions. And then listen! You may find out some things about your spouse you never knew before.

And feel free to take these questions and modify in ways that would make them your own.

Date Night Questions

  1. What do you remember about when we first met?
  2. What was it about me that interested you?
  3. When did you first know that we were in love? What was that like for you?
  4. What did you enjoy most about our wedding day? About our first days as a married couple?
  5. How did you feel about getting married? Scared? Pressured? Excited? Relieved?
  6. What is your favorite experience that we have been through together, and why?
  7. As a child (or young person), what made you happy? When did you feel fully alive?
  8. Is there anything you used to enjoy that you wish you could do more of now?
  9. What do you find most challenging in your life right now? How can I help you with that?
  10. What makes you feel anxious or afraid?
  11. What makes you tired or wears you out? Can I help with some of that pressure?
  12. Is there someone or something that makes you angry? I’d like to know about that.
  13. Tell me about some of the good memories you have about growing up.
  14. Tell me about some memories you wish you could forget. How do you think that’s affected you?
  15. What did you learn that was good from your family growing up?
  16. What about your family growing up would you like to be different in our family?
  17. Who in our extended family do you think we should spend more time with? Are there any we should spend less time with that we do now?
  18. What are you most proud of in your life? In our life as a family?
  19. What makes your soul feel filled up? How can I help you do more of those things?
  20. What disappoints you about our marriage or our life together? How might we change that?
  21. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see?
  22. Tell me about your favorite book, or movie? Why is it your favorite?
  23. Are you more energized by being around people, or by spending time alone? How so?
  24. Do you think I’ve changed since we’ve been married? How so?
  25. Describe how I make you feel as a wife. (As a husband.)
  26. What makes you feel close to me? What makes you feel distant from me?
  27. If you could change something about me, what would it be?
  28. Is there something about you that you wish you could change? What is it?
  29. If you could describe an ideal weekend, what would it be?
  30. If you could describe the ideal vacation, what would it be?
  31. Is there something you’d like us to do more of together as a couple?
  32. Is there anything about our lives that we can or should simplify, or stop doing?
  33. When it comes to money, what goal do you think we should focus on as a couple?
  34. If you could travel to anywhere in the world, where would you go? Who would you go with?
  35. How satisfied are you with our sex life together? What would you change?
  36. How healthy do you feel? Is there anything I can help you do that would help you feel healthier?
  37. Imagine yourself five or ten years from now. Who do you want to become? What could I do that would help you be more of the person you’d like to be?
  38. How safe do you feel with me? How could I help you feel safer?
  39. One year from now, what memory do you hope we have of this coming year together?
  40. Dream big with me. What kind of life do you picture us having in one year? Five years?
  41. What kind of marriage do you want us to have ten years from now? What do you think will help us get there?
  42. If money were no object, what would you love to be doing next month? Next year?
  43. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
  44. Tell me about something important you believe God has taught you.
  45. What do you believe God is trying to teach you right now?
  46. How do you feel about how connected we are to a church? Do we need to change anything about that?
  47. Who are the people you would like around you on your death bed?
  48. How do you feel about our prayer life together? How would you like to change that?
  49. When you look into the future, what do you see? What worries you about the future?
  50. What do you believe about God’s purpose for us as a couple or family?

These are all quite unselfish questions. You honestly want to know your spouse better, and listening is a great way to show you care. Hopefully your question(s) will start a conversation.

Not every date night should involve deep personal questions. Sometimes you need to play, or relax, or do something active together. But I suggest that once or twice a month your date night include some time for unhurried conversation. It’s one of the things that will bring you closer together. And this kind of communication will serve you well when challenges come along.

Get closer. The organ of intimacy really is the ear!

Your Turn: What date night questions have you found that spark conversation? Leave a comment below.

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  • Date nights need variety; playing together, relaxing, doing something active. And some should involve deeper conversation. Here are 50 date night questions for those times. Tweet that.

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