Whether you’ve been married 25 days or 50 years, your spouse needs to hear you say “I love you!” It’s important for your own heart to be intentional in reaching out to your spouse, and of course they need to sense it from you over and over again. There’s never a bad time to incorporate some “I love you”s into your daily lifestyle.

But men and women are different. And people have different Love Languages. If you want your spouse to FEEL loved, it’s important you speak to them in the language they can hear.

How tragic it would be to find out years from now that although you love your spouse, neither of you feels loved by the other. That can sadly lead to living like roommates.

As the six-year-old girl said, “If you love someone, hurry up and show it!”

To find out how to say “I love you” in the language your spouse can understand, Gary Chapman’s classic 5 Love Languages can help.

But if you know your spouse at all, you can probably figure a lot of this out just by observing what’s important to him or her. The key is not how you want to say “I love you,” but how your spouse wants to hear it.

Here are a few ideas that may help you get started, for both wives and husbands. First, for husbands:

For your wife:

  1. Greet her with a long, slow kiss first thing in the morning.
  2. Clean up the kitchen after dinner without being asked.
  3. Take a shower after coming home from work.
  4. Take responsibility for keeping her car washed and filled up with gas.
  5. If you’re going to be more than 5-10 minutes late getting home, call her. (We all have cellphones now!)
  6. Surprise her with her favorite perfume, or a gift certificate for an afternoon at the spa.
  7. Ask her about her day, and really listen.
  8. Speak proudly of her to your friends, and her friends.
  9. Ask her opinion or idea about something that’s important to you, and follow it.
  10. Tell her you think she’s beautiful, and mean it.
  11. Ask for her forgiveness when you’ve let her down.
  12. Hold her hand in public.
  13. Ask her what would make her feel special, and then do it.
  14. Pray for her and with her, out loud.
  15. Offer to spend an afternoon doing what she wants to do, together: shopping, taking a walk or a drive, watching a movie.
  16. Offer to watch the kids while she spends a day, or a weekend, at a women’s retreat.
  17. Text her or call her during the day: “I just called to say, I love you!”
  18. Tell her out loud, or write her a letter that says, “I’d marry you all over again, today. Thank you for being my wife!”

If your husband did even a few of those things, wouldn’t you feel loved? (And perhaps be open to some physical intimacy?)

And now for you wives:

For your husband:

  1. Let him catch you only partially dressed now and then.
  2. Surprise him with his favorite meal.
  3. Get his clothes cleaned without him asking.
  4. Send a love letter or card to his work in a way you know he’ll be the one to get it.
  5. If you have to leave him at home sometime, leave a love note where he’ll find it.
  6. Occasionally get dressed up, makeup and all, just for him.
  7. Speak proudly of him to your friends, and his friends.
  8. Notice something specific he does well, and tell him how much it means to you.
  9. Surprise him with something only HE would appreciate: a tool, a movie, a book just for him.
  10. Wait until a commercial break before interrupting him while he’s watching his favorite TV program.
  11. If you need something from him, don’t keep him wondering: ask simply and specifically.
  12. Notice when he steps out of his comfort zone for you, and thank him for it.
  13. Offer to spend an afternoon doing what he wants to do, together: going to a game, visiting a sporting goods store, or working on his motorcycle.
  14. Ask him what turns him on, and if possible, do it.
  15. Ask for his forgiveness when you’ve let him down.
  16. If it’s not life and death, respect his decision without complaining.
  17. Pray for him and with him.
  18. Tell him out loud, or write him a letter that says, “I’d marry you all over again, today. Thank you for being my husband!”

If your wife did even a few of those things, wouldn’t you feel loved? (And want to do even more to make her happy?)

Just Do It

There are so many other ways to say “I love you!” And I may not have mentioned the one that would say it best to you or your spouse.

Love is not a feeling; it’s an action. What action would let your spouse feel loved. The best tip in saying “I Love You!” to your spouse: ask them what would help them feel loved. And then do it!   Tweet that.

You had no trouble being creative while dating your spouse: put a little effort into being creative in keeping that love alive.

Your Turn: How do you say, “I love you?” to your spouse in a way that makes them feel loved? Leave a comment below.

Tweetables: why not share this post?

  • There are countless ways to tell your spouse I Love You! How many of these 36 ways can you do in the next two weeks?     Tweet that.

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