When you were dating, you probably had no difficulty coming up with interesting things to do. You looked forward to spending every possible moment together. But now that you’ve been married for a while, doing things things together as a married couple can seem a bit more challenging.
Whether you’ve been married for a few, or many, years, the newness has worn off and you probably spend more time thinking about work, budgets, kids, schedules, and just getting through the day. You know date night is important, but it doesn’t happen often enough. You’re too tired to think of something new to do together.
Following a tradition is not a bad thing: going to the same place or doing the same activity as you always have may make you feel secure and comfortable. But it’s also important to spice things up from time to time.
Doing things together as a married couple builds history between you. You learn more about each other, and create important memories. You may be tempted to feel you don’t have the time or energy to invest in doing things together right now; don’t fall into that trap. Don’t neglect the important investments in your relationship just because seemingly urgent matters present themselves.
Here are some things to consider doing together that may be new, different, and interesting. They can give you an opportunity to learn, stretch yourselves, and have fun.
- Try a different restaurant. Try a different international cuisine. Drive a few miles to try a small-town diner, or a unique coffee house.
- Go through old family photos. Pictures tell stories. Use those pictures to tell each other about the years before you met, or remember some of your early days together.
- Take a class together. Learn a foreign language, learn how to sail, learn about astronomy, local geology, or natural gardening together.
- Drive somewhere you’ve never been. Even if it’s just a local road that’s new to you, you’re likely to see new things and enjoy the freshness of a new experience together.
- Read the Bible together. Take turns choosing a verse or chapter, and share what it means to each of you. Choose a daily devotional to read, or Bible study to do together.
- Plan a new meal, shop together for the ingredients, and cook it together. Shopping, cooking, and eating together can be quite intimate, and decidedly fun.
- Plan a dream vacation. Even if you never expect to have the money to go, gather brochures, plan where you would go, and start saving money. Perhaps it will happen one day.
- Take a marriage seminar together. Even the happiest couples can strengthen their marriage by learning more Christ-centered healthy ways to interact.
- Go out for breakfast. A different time of day can completely change how you feel about the time you spend together.
- Volunteer for the same worthy cause together. Helping others together can help you understand the power your couple-ness can have when focused in the same direction.
- Get spiritual together. Visit a beautiful place in nature, a quiet chapel, or some other meaningful location. Hold hands, pray quietly, and see how God wants to meet with you.
- Get physical. (I mean exercise on this one!) Hike a new trail together. Get bicycles and go riding together. Go swimming or jogging, or work out together.
- Learn each other’s love language. Take the short survey at The 5 Love Languages, and find out what says “I love you” to each of you.
- Tackle a tough project together. Perhaps it’s an out-of-control garage, a frustrating part of the yard, or putting up Christmas lights. Do it together.
- Go to an event your spouse enjoys that you don’t – just to be together. A sporting event, clothes shopping, a girly movie, a gun show.
- Read each other’s book. What we like to read says a lot about our personality. Each of you read something the other enjoys, talk about it, and see if you can understand why they enjoy it.
- Try a different event together. Check out a music concert, a car show, a county fair, a tech convention, a play, or a dance festival.
- Visit some place where people are in need. Visit a homeless shelter, a crisis pregnancy center, a troubled youth sports program, a food kitchen. Volunteer together. Your world will look different!
- Write out a list of questions you would like your spouse to answer. Trade lists, and spend some time talking about your answers together.
- Wash the car or spray off the driveway together. A water fight can be fun for adults as well! (And you never know what that may lead to.)
- Pray together. Out loud. Both of you. (Guys, you’ve done harder things than this before. Girls, don’t assume you can pray better.) Praying together can create wonderful spiritual intimacy.
You probably have some other ideas as well. The point is to do something together that’s fresh, fun, and sometimes challenging. It’s worth the effort.
Your turn: What do you enjoy doing together as a couple? How has that helped you grow together? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
- Doing things together is an important part of friendship in marriage. “Date night” sometimes needs to be more than talking, or “dinner and a movie.” Here are 21 fresh ideas to get you thinking. Tweet that.
How’s the Communication Between You?
Whether newlywed or married for decades, communication is the key to the quality of your relationship. But most couples feel their communication is less than what they desire.
Understanding your communication style, and that of your spouse, will allow you to take your communication to the next level.