How to Love Your Wife like Christ

"When a Man Loves a Woman”

Love Your WifeWhen Percy Sledge or Michael Bolton begin to sing “When a Man Loves a Woman” the ladies swoon and scream. And if you as a husband love your wife that way, she’s likely to respond in a similar fashion.

That song, still heard 50 years after it first came out, speaks to something deep in the hearts of human beings, something God put there, something that differentiates a successful marriage from a non-successful one. Regardless of how hard the enemy tries to distort and complicate it, loving your woman well will keep her heart close to yours and make your relationship intimate and strong. That’s something of what it means to love your wife like Christ.

Let’s get the objections out of the way right now. Life is complicated, and human beings are broken. God has given your wife free will also, and she has the option to refuse your love. Women can cause men enormous pain (the song implies that too), and your needs are important. I have some very strong things to say to women who behave badly toward their husbands.

But as a man God has gifted you with the responsibility and the power to be as Christ to your wife. Nothing happens – spiritually, emotionally, or sexually – until you step up. It’s vulnerable, scary, and perhaps overwhelming, but that’s what God has called you to do.

And you can do it!

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How to Know if it’s Right or Wrong

Is This a Sin – or Not?

Is it Right or Wrong?You’ve heard the questions. You’ve probably asked them yourself. “Is it a sin to drink alcohol?” “How far can I go with my boyfriend (girlfriend) sexually before it becomes sin?” “If I get a divorce, am I sinning?” Our human nature sometimes struggles to know if something is right or wrong.

When I was a tween I went through a period of being overwhelmingly concerned about my standing with God. Every night I’d religiously write down every wrong thing I had done so I wouldn’t forget to ask God or others for forgiveness. I kept a notepad hidden near my bed, and would cross off a “sin” once I had appropriately humbled myself before God or anyone else involved.

I’ve grown up a lot since then. It’s not that I’m any less committed to seeking forgiveness when I do something wrong, but I have a much deeper understanding of what God is after. And frankly, His “list” is a lot longer than mine!

But God’s list has much more to do with matters of the heart than it does with outward behavior.

Sin in the Bible

Religious people and institutions have a tendency to come up with lists of outward behaviors that you’re supposed to do and not do. The Jews in the Old Testament were very good at that, and God did not look kindly on that behavior: “For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice, and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings” (Hosea 6:6).

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Lonely and Disappointed on Valentine’s Day

2 responses to the unfulfilled need for love

Valentine's DayDo you feel like a member of the Lonely Hearts Club? Were you disappointed on Valentine’s Day? You’re not alone.

So, no secret admirer surprised you with a card or box of chocolates yesterday. Your spouse didn’t overwhelm you with flowers and chocolate-covered strawberries for a romantic evening. Perhaps you’re buried up to your eyeballs in bills, diapers, and dirty dishes and that kind of love seems a distant memory. Or you’ve avoided retail establishments and worked extra-long hours this week just to forget that you don’t have a Valentine this year.

I know what it’s like to be lonely. In medical school a group of us single girls gathered one February 14 at the first and only formal meeting of the LLU chapter of the Lonely Hearts Club. I lived single until I was 48 years old, and I’m single again now that my husband is with Jesus. And pink doesn’t look good on me anyway!

But just because you have a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t mean romance and love are guaranteed. Some of the loneliest people I talk with are married. It’s not your Relationship Status on Facebook that’s at issue; it’s the status of your heart.

The State of Your Heart

We as human beings were made for connection. Deep, secure, long-lasting, intimate connection. We long to be known, to be affirmed, to be cherished, to be desired, to be sought after, to be loved. We want to be Number One to someone, and we often struggle to survive – let alone thrive – when we’re not.

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How to Hear from God: 5 Keys

A practical way to experience hearing God’s voice

Turning up the VolumeGod must often feel like shouting, “Can you hear me now?”

People ask me quite often how to hear from God. You and I sometimes wish God would write on the wall with a burning finger (like in Daniel 5:5), or speak in an audible voice from heaven (like with Jesus in Matthew 17:5).

God does not usually add His voice to a cacophony of sound – in our heads, our churches, or our lifestyle. The many messages we allow into our minds and lives from anywhere and everywhere else make it harder to differentiate God’s voice from all the others. God speaks most frequently in a “still small voice.” (1 Kings 19:12)

There are many books, podcasts, and other resources detailing how God speaks. He speaks through His Word, through other believers, through providence, to our hearts through the Holy Spirit, and more. Instead, I’d like to talk about how to hear from God in a very practical way. What does it look like? How do you hear from God when you face a difficult decision or an overwhelming challenge?

My Biggest God Moment

Well, it was certainly one of the biggest.

Al and I were getting to know each other. Actually, we were in love. Things were moving pretty fast, and we were thinking about spending the rest of our lives together. I expected him to soon ask me to marry him. The emotions were running high, and it felt good.

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What to Do when Your Husband Calls You Frigid

5 Things a Christian Wife Needs to Know

Frigid

Your husband berates you when you turn down his requests for sex, or when you don’t want to do the sexual acts he would like. Perhaps he even lobs Scripture at you, criticizing you for not meeting his sexual needs as the Bible says you should. Your husband calls you frigid. (Is that still a word the “younger generation” knows and uses? I could be dating myself.)

Your heart is crushed. You feel embarrassed or ashamed, or perhaps angry. Is there something wrong with you?

There are couples where the wife has a stronger sexual desire than her husband, and some husbands have learned wonderful ways to help their wives enjoy physical intimacy. But some Christian wives carry a boatload of guilt and/or shame about their sexual response or lack thereof.

Let me help unburden your heart. Here are 5 things to know as a Christian wife.

  1. You have the right to say NO.

Your husband does not own you. Your body is not his property. You are not sinning when you say NO to your husband’s request for sex. God gave you the responsibility of caring for your mind, body, and soul in a way that first and foremost honors Him, and that allows you to offer your best self to your husband, your family, and others He places in your life.

That means if you’re used up, exploited, and empty, part of your responsibility is to find godly healthy ways to get filled up again. You don’t sit back and wait for someone else to fill you; you proactively go after the nourishment your soul needs.

  1. God made your husband to desire sex.

Your husband is not a brute because he wants sex frequently.

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