What to Do when Your Husband Calls You Frigid

5 Things a Christian Wife Needs to Know


Your husband berates you when you turn down his requests for sex, or when you don’t want to do the sexual acts he would like. Perhaps he even lobs Scripture at you, criticizing you for not meeting his sexual needs as the Bible says you should. Your husband calls you frigid. (Is that still a word the “younger generation” knows and uses? I could be dating myself.)

Your heart is crushed. You feel embarrassed or ashamed, or perhaps angry. Is there something wrong with you?

There are couples where the wife has a stronger sexual desire than her husband, and some husbands have learned wonderful ways to help their wives enjoy physical intimacy. But some Christian wives carry a boatload of guilt and/or shame about their sexual response or lack thereof.

Let me help unburden your heart. Here are 5 things to know as a Christian wife.

  1. You have the right to say NO.

Your husband does not own you. Your body is not his property. You are not sinning when you say NO to your husband’s request for sex. God gave you the responsibility of caring for your mind, body, and soul in a way that first and foremost honors Him, and that allows you to offer your best self to your husband, your family, and others He places in your life.

That means if you’re used up, exploited, and empty, part of your responsibility is to find godly healthy ways to get filled up again. You don’t sit back and wait for someone else to fill you; you proactively go after the nourishment your soul needs.

  1. God made your husband to desire sex.

Your husband is not a brute because he wants sex frequently.

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7 Steps to Freedom from Pornography and Compulsive Masturbation

Spiritual Warfare as the Path to Sexual Freedom

FREEDOM!How do you find freedom from compulsive sexual behavior? What does it look like? What does it take to get there?

I’ve been overwhelmed by your response to my post last week about Dealing with Masturbation and Pornography as a Christian. I’ve heard from men and women all over the world who are crying out for freedom. And I’m here to tell you that God has a way out! There is a pathway to freedom! And that’s what this post is about.

This is not for you if you wonder whether what you’re doing is wrong. It’s not for you if pornography and/or masturbation is not your struggle. It’s not for you if you think maybe you should “cut down” on your consumption of compulsive sexuality.

But if the Holy Spirit has put His finger on this part of your life and said, “This right here; it needs to stop. Let Me have this!”, then this post is for you.

This is for you if you’re sick and tired of the bondage, the hiding, the shame and the guilt. It is for you if you’re ready to do whatever it takes to find freedom. It is for you if you’re ready to fight with everything in your being to experience Christ’s victory in this area of your life.

You cannot be successful in this journey by going half-way. If you’re not all in, you’ll fail. Jesus has freedom available for you, but you cannot do your own thing in one area and expect to win a battle with compulsive sexual behavior.

This means war!

So pick up your sword, get furiously angry at your bondage and the one holding you there, and get ready to do the work ahead of you. As Mel Gibson when he played William Wallace, find the scream in the bottom of your soul and cry out with all your might,


7 Steps to Freedom

Here’s what it takes to get there.

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How to Deal with Masturbation and Pornography as a Christian

What the Gospel says about Solo Sexual Stuff

Hiding Behind ComputerHow do you handle the solo sexual stuff? How do you deal with masturbation and pornography as a Christian?

I’m writing about this because you asked. You send me questions about this almost every week, and you deserve an answer. As both a Medical Doctor and Doctor of Ministry, I’ll do my best to offer you both truth and hope on this topic.

For starters, if the gospel isn’t big enough to have answers for this kind of touchy stuff, what good is it? There is no problem in our lives for which God does not have an answer. The answers may not be simple or easy, but that’s why we’re talking about it.

Pornography and masturbation are not the same. I don’t believe God judges them the same. I’m addressing them together because they often go together; masturbating while watching pornography.

If you’re struggling here I encourage you to read all the way to the end of this article. I’ll share with you a dramatic story of how one person found amazing freedom from her private sexual hell. I know Jesus can do the same for you!

How you are affected

Here are some of the people I’ve heard from:

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Intimacy when Sex Becomes Impossible

How to STILL Stay Physically Connected

Can you stay physically connected and enjoy intimacy when sex becomes truly physically impossible?

Intimacy between husband and wife is comprised of at least 4 facets. Sex – intercourse – is important. Really important. But it’s not the only – or even the foundational – aspect of intimacy.

I believe that God expects BOTH a husband and a wife to do what is in their power to do in order to meet their spouse’s sexual needs. That includes working through the emotional baggage many carry, and investing in medical help when physical problems interfere. And it includes an absolute commitment to sexual exclusivity.

But there are times when physical intercourse truly becomes impossible because of illness or other conditions. But here’s the thing:

The end of intercourse does not have to mean the end of intimacy!

You can stay connected – physically – with your spouse even in those difficult circumstances.

I regularly get questions from both husbands and wives who are struggling with some aspect of intimacy. I answer two of them in this week’s video. A wife is feeling lonely because her husband cannot perform sexually. A husband is feeling sad and frustrated because he and his wife had to stop having sex because it became too painful for her.

In this video I offer some specific suggestions on how to maintain physical intimacy even if sex becomes impossible or difficult. Sometimes relatively simple measures can restore your ability to engage in and enjoy sex. But even if not, you can stay connected!

Watch the video here.

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Depressed Husband, Lonely Wife

Is there anything you can do to get your needs met?

A very lonely wife reached out to me: “I have a great husband, but he doesn’t take care of me intimately. I just want him to want me!” Her husband is struggling with depression, but she feels her own needs are being seriously neglected. She doesn’t know how to deal with her frustration and emptiness.

Intimacy is a core need of both husbands and wives. But a lot more than physical intimacy – sex – is involved. There are at least Four Facets to Intimacy, and if any one of them are lacking a spouse can feel desperately lonely. The connection in your marriage won’t get better simply by wishing it to be so; you need to take some action.

But what happens when your spouse just doesn’t have the capacity – either temporarily or long-term – to create the kind of intimacy you want and need? Is there any way to get your needs met in a healthy way?

In this video I offer lonely wives some help:

  • some insight into the role depression may be playing in Janice’s marriage
  • 3 suggestions for what wives can do when their husbands are not meeting their needs for intimacy
  • what a lonely wife CAN do to get her needs met

Watch the video here.

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