7 Steps to Freedom from Pornography and Compulsive Masturbation

Spiritual Warfare as the Path to Sexual Freedom

FREEDOM!How do you find freedom from compulsive sexual behavior? What does it look like? What does it take to get there?

I’ve been overwhelmed by your response to my post last week about Dealing with Masturbation and Pornography as a Christian. I’ve heard from men and women all over the world who are crying out for freedom. And I’m here to tell you that God has a way out! There is a pathway to freedom! And that’s what this post is about.

This is not for you if you wonder whether what you’re doing is wrong. It’s not for you if pornography and/or masturbation is not your struggle. It’s not for you if you think maybe you should “cut down” on your consumption of compulsive sexuality.

But if the Holy Spirit has put His finger on this part of your life and said, “This right here; it needs to stop. Let Me have this!”, then this post is for you.

This is for you if you’re sick and tired of the bondage, the hiding, the shame and the guilt. It is for you if you’re ready to do whatever it takes to find freedom. It is for you if you’re ready to fight with everything in your being to experience Christ’s victory in this area of your life.

You cannot be successful in this journey by going half-way. If you’re not all in, you’ll fail. Jesus has freedom available for you, but you cannot do your own thing in one area and expect to win a battle with compulsive sexual behavior.

This means war!

So pick up your sword, get furiously angry at your bondage and the one holding you there, and get ready to do the work ahead of you. As Mel Gibson when he played William Wallace, find the scream in the bottom of your soul and cry out with all your might,


7 Steps to Freedom

Here’s what it takes to get there.

Continue Reading »

What to do if you Feel Unloved

The Path to Feeling Loved Again

Woman Looking AwayUnwanted. Rejected. Second class. Fifth wheel. Unimportant. Not good enough. Lonely. You feel unloved, and it hurts.

You want to be Number One to someone. Perhaps you never felt that from your parents, and you desperately hoped – expected – that you would find that in a spouse. But the right person hasn’t come along. You keep secretly hoping you’ll meet The One before it’s too late, but it’s not looking real good for you right now.

Or you’re married and you’ve discovered that a ring on your finger doesn’t mean you’re Number One to someone in the way you had hoped. You’re disappointed. Why do you feel so lonely and unloved? Wouldn’t your spouse treat you differently if they truly loved you? This Marriage Misery is worse than being single! At least in that case you wouldn’t have your hopes raised – and then squashed into nothingness.

I so badly wanted to be Number One to someone for many years. I was outwardly successful, had friends, and experienced quite a lot of freedom and joy – but I was alone. Some of the people around me were nice enough, but nobody loved me. Not really. Not for me, the whole of me.

Does “God Loves You” even apply to you?

You might say, “That’s just sour grapes. God loves you. And that’s enough.”

You’re right – God loves me. And you. But how does that become enough?

Continue Reading »

Sleeping With the Elephants: the BIG Marriage Problems

4 Keys to Kicking them Out

ElephantIt’s one thing to have an “elephant in the room” – the BIG problem that nobody wants to talk about or deal with. But what about when that room is your bedroom? In marriage the elephants can become so big that there’s no space in your bed for either of you. The time comes when you can’t ignore them, work around them, or co-exist with them.

And you certainly can’t sleep with them. And by “sleep” I mean both refreshing rest in what is supposed to be the safest space – physically and emotionally – in your home, and the intimacy – physically, emotionally, and spiritually – that God designed to be between husbands and wives.

I’ve heard from a number of individuals and couples recently who are trying to sleep with elephants – dealing with really BIG marriage problems. And it’s just not working. Some of those elephants include:

  • Infidelity of one or both partners recently or many years ago
  • Constant fights (or at least disagreements) over the when and how of sexual intimacy
  • One spouse who consistently drinks too much
  • Pornography stealing marital intimacy
  • Sexual abuse in the past making intimacy traumatic or impossible

Sometimes problems such as infertility, a rebellious child, serious financial reversals, chronic physical or mental illness, or others can also become elephants.

The thing about elephants is that they usually continue to grow. Elephants just don’t leave on their own. Time doesn’t make them go away. Until and unless the elephants are dealt with directly they will stick around sleeping in your bed and robbing your peace, regardless of how many years have gone by since they entered.

Perhaps you’re tired of trying to sleep with the elephants, and you know that if things don’t change you, your spouse, or your marriage is about to self-destruct. You may have tried to kick the elephants out of your bedroom in the past and feel as though you’ve failed miserably. You may have tried to ignore them and know you can’t do that any longer. You may wonder if the elephants are there to stay and you’re the one who will have to leave.

The circumstances are often complicated and painful. Solutions are challenging and often take time. But here are a few important keys to kicking the elephants out of your bedroom and regaining the relationship you signed up for.

Continue Reading »

5 Things the Bible Says to Those who are Depressed

Depressed ManSome people live lives filled with trouble or trauma, and it’s easy to understand why they feel tired, down, and gloomy. Some have a medical illness or are taking life-saving medication with the side effect of making them feel sad or hopeless. Some are genetically predisposed to look at the world through dark lenses and struggle to be able to feel any joy. Some have simply learned to focus on what’s wrong in the world.

Whether you are depressed because of a “biochemical imbalance”, because your life is outwardly extraordinarily difficult, or just because that’s how you see life, you’re not alone. Many believers – and some of God’s best friends throughout history – have struggled in this way.

But that’s not the end of the story. Your struggle is no surprise to God. Here are some things the Bible says to those who are depressed:

Continue Reading »

7 Ways You Can Take Charge of Your Mental Health

Mental HealthWe each have our bag of mental challenges to deal with. Some of us have greater emotional vulnerabilities than others. But it’s still YOU who are in charge – of your mind, your emotions, and your mental health.

If you have the intellectual capacity to be reading this right now, you’ve got what it takes to take charge of your mental health. Being emotionally vulnerable doesn’t make you a victim; it just means you have to take extra care of your mind. You really can take steps to overcome whatever challenges you face, become mentally and emotionally fit, and find enjoyment, meaning, and hope in this life.

Here are 7 definite things you can do:

Continue Reading »