Pursuing Intimacy with Your Husband

More than Agreeing to Sex

This is a message especially for wives. Next week we’ll look at the other side – a message especially for husbands.

Feet Intimacy with your HusbandShould you always say Yes when your husband wants sex? How long do you pursue your husband if he does not pursue you? Is it OK to “just say NO” because you’re “not in the mood”? What’s the big deal about pursuing intimacy with your husband anyway?

There’s been controversy – and sometimes violence, guilt, and shame – arising from Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians:

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

First, some perspective please. This Scripture does not condone marital rape or God-talk domination and condemnation. Its purpose is not to load you with more oppression. We’re talking woman-to-woman here, and let’s be honest that the enemy has twisted this Scripture and incited some to use it to bring enormous destruction and pain.

Let’s also be honest that some of us women have twisted it too. Some have used the “devote yourselves to prayer” as an excuse to refuse sex with their husband. Ok ladies; are you praying for nine months? Or five years? If you’re working a job or cleaning your house or joining girlfriends for coffee, you’re not so “devoted to prayer” that you can’t connect with your husband.

But this Scripture IS in the Bible. What does it mean? Everything God says has a reason, and is for our good. So what is it here?

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10 Scriptures for Overcoming Fear and Anxiety

"Be Anxious for Nothing.” “Be not afraid.”

Free from Fear and AnxietyYou know the Bible says you should not be anxious or afraid. But sometimes those thoughts and feelings seem to overtake your heart and mind even when you don’t want them to.

Cooperating with God to overcome your fear and anxiety will involve many things; caring for your physical health, optimizing your lifestyle, learning to take charge of your thoughts, and practicing standing firmly on God’s side in the controversy between good and evil. Of course one of the most powerful tools you can use in this journey is God’s Word.

Here are 10 Scriptures for overcoming fear and anxiety to put in your mind and heart, with some brief commentary. Meditate on these Scriptures, and your mind and emotions will become freer and more positive.

1. Fear is NOT from God.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”   2 Timothy 1:7, NKJV

Fear is a natural human response to many things, but it does not come from God. When you feel fear, you can know that it is not God speaking. The mind God has promised you is clear, strong, and more than able to deal with whatever He allows into your life. You can claim that sound mind today.

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How to Know if it’s Right or Wrong

Is This a Sin – or Not?

Is it Right or Wrong?You’ve heard the questions. You’ve probably asked them yourself. “Is it a sin to drink alcohol?” “How far can I go with my boyfriend (girlfriend) sexually before it becomes sin?” “If I get a divorce, am I sinning?” Our human nature sometimes struggles to know if something is right or wrong.

When I was a tween I went through a period of being overwhelmingly concerned about my standing with God. Every night I’d religiously write down every wrong thing I had done so I wouldn’t forget to ask God or others for forgiveness. I kept a notepad hidden near my bed, and would cross off a “sin” once I had appropriately humbled myself before God or anyone else involved.

I’ve grown up a lot since then. It’s not that I’m any less committed to seeking forgiveness when I do something wrong, but I have a much deeper understanding of what God is after. And frankly, His “list” is a lot longer than mine!

But God’s list has much more to do with matters of the heart than it does with outward behavior.

Sin in the Bible

Religious people and institutions have a tendency to come up with lists of outward behaviors that you’re supposed to do and not do. The Jews in the Old Testament were very good at that, and God did not look kindly on that behavior: “For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice, and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings” (Hosea 6:6).

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Lonely and Disappointed on Valentine’s Day

2 responses to the unfulfilled need for love

Valentine's DayDo you feel like a member of the Lonely Hearts Club? Were you disappointed on Valentine’s Day? You’re not alone.

So, no secret admirer surprised you with a card or box of chocolates yesterday. Your spouse didn’t overwhelm you with flowers and chocolate-covered strawberries for a romantic evening. Perhaps you’re buried up to your eyeballs in bills, diapers, and dirty dishes and that kind of love seems a distant memory. Or you’ve avoided retail establishments and worked extra-long hours this week just to forget that you don’t have a Valentine this year.

I know what it’s like to be lonely. In medical school a group of us single girls gathered one February 14 at the first and only formal meeting of the LLU chapter of the Lonely Hearts Club. I lived single until I was 48 years old, and I’m single again now that my husband is with Jesus. And pink doesn’t look good on me anyway!

But just because you have a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t mean romance and love are guaranteed. Some of the loneliest people I talk with are married. It’s not your Relationship Status on Facebook that’s at issue; it’s the status of your heart.

The State of Your Heart

We as human beings were made for connection. Deep, secure, long-lasting, intimate connection. We long to be known, to be affirmed, to be cherished, to be desired, to be sought after, to be loved. We want to be Number One to someone, and we often struggle to survive – let alone thrive – when we’re not.

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How to Hear from God: 5 Keys

A practical way to experience hearing God’s voice

Turning up the VolumeGod must often feel like shouting, “Can you hear me now?”

People ask me quite often how to hear from God. You and I sometimes wish God would write on the wall with a burning finger (like in Daniel 5:5), or speak in an audible voice from heaven (like with Jesus in Matthew 17:5).

God does not usually add His voice to a cacophony of sound – in our heads, our churches, or our lifestyle. The many messages we allow into our minds and lives from anywhere and everywhere else make it harder to differentiate God’s voice from all the others. God speaks most frequently in a “still small voice.” (1 Kings 19:12)

There are many books, podcasts, and other resources detailing how God speaks. He speaks through His Word, through other believers, through providence, to our hearts through the Holy Spirit, and more. Instead, I’d like to talk about how to hear from God in a very practical way. What does it look like? How do you hear from God when you face a difficult decision or an overwhelming challenge?

My Biggest God Moment

Well, it was certainly one of the biggest.

Al and I were getting to know each other. Actually, we were in love. Things were moving pretty fast, and we were thinking about spending the rest of our lives together. I expected him to soon ask me to marry him. The emotions were running high, and it felt good.

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