Feeling overwhelmed with life. Distracted without a sense of purpose. Overstressed and overanxious. Lonely, without close relationships. Unable to focus, be quiet, or hear God’s voice. Could your hyperconnected digital diet be causing anxiety?
How do you handle the solo sexual stuff? How do you deal with masturbation and pornography as a Christian?
I’m writing about this because you asked. You send me questions about this almost every week, and you deserve an answer. As both a Medical Doctor and Doctor of Ministry, I’ll do my best to offer you both truth and hope on this topic.
Your spouse’s bad behavior can make your life seem as though it’s falling apart. Your psyche is stretched to the limit, and you’re not sure how much longer you can survive if things don’t change. You could really use some concrete ways to move forward, or at least a clear way to think about things.
I hear from spouses every day:
“My husband refuses to get help for his gambling and substance abuse. He won’t even acknowledge he has a problem.”
“My wife is only after me for my money and spends irresponsibly. She refuses to engage in intimacy or conversation.”
“My husband has had a mistress for several years. He keeps promising to cut things off with her, but he’s back with her again.”
“I’m always walking on eggshells around my husband. I never know what will cause him to fly into a rage. I live in fear.”
You’ve tried to change your spouse – unsuccessfully. You’ve threatened, cried, put up with, tried to let it go, ignored, waited, and anything else you can think of. Perhaps you’ve tried to get professional help and read anything you can find on the subject. You’ve prayed and prayed, and things are still the same. Am I stuck with this miserable marriage forever? Is this “bad enough” for a divorce? Why doesn’t God fix my marriage when I keep asking Him to?
If you want the same results, keep doing the same thing. If you don’t, it’s time for a change. Time for YOU to change.
Feeling emotional, powerless, and desperate is understandable. But decisions made from that mindset almost never result in a good outcome.
Two hosts on a podcast I heard recently were talking about a high-tech state-of-the-art health evaluation. It included a full-body MRI, a slew of blood tests, a complete look at all your genes, along with measuring just about everything else you can imagine. The service includes permanent membership in a growing database that will alert you to health risks in the future as science discovers more about what your specific genetic profile indicates. As a participant you are encouraged to decide how long you want to live, and therefore to take every step possible to achieve that goal. It’s all done for the worthy purpose of helping you be healthier tomorrow.
And it’s available to you today for the small sum of $25,000!
Even if I had $25,000 I wouldn’t spend it on this high-tech health evaluation. But even more importantly, you don’t need to have or spend that kind of money to be healthier tomorrow. Health spending doesn’t have to be difficult. We know enough about health and longevity to make very wise decisions today. Scientists are now beginning to talk now about reaching the limit of what medical care can do to improve and extend our lives. What is going to make the biggest difference going forward is our lifestyle.
If you’re already spending money on a lot of supplements or medications, take a step back and consider whether you’re spending your hard-earned health dollars in the place they will make the most difference. It’s not that supplements are necessarily bad; it’s that they are way down the list when it comes to what will make the most difference for your wellbeing tomorrow.
Wise Health Spending
Here are a few things worth spending your money on if you want to be healthier tomorrow.
I hear from you regularly, you whose husband’s eyes are filled with many other women and not with you. You don’t even want to think the words, but he’s addicted to pornography. And every one of you carries a sadness I would love to be able to heal.
I think about you and carry you in my heart:
The 60-year-old patient sitting on the exam table fighting back the tears, who shared, “My husband hasn’t touched me in years. He spends every evening in the basement looking at other women on his computer.”
The friend riding in the back seat of my car as we were returning from a Christian event, almost choking on the words as she told how her “good Christian husband” kept promising to stop looking but never followed through.
The young mother writing to me about how she was trying to protect her two children from her husband’s internet porn while he seemingly refused to even admit he has a problem.
Sometimes you get angry. At him. At life. At marriage. At God for not fixing him even though you pray – and pray and pray and pray. You feel used and abused by the man who promised to love you even if he hasn’t done anything to hurt you physically. You wonder why you’re not enough. What if you hadn’t gained that extra weight? What if you kept yourself looking more sexy? What if you never said NO even if what he wanted seems disgusting?
And you’ve probably tried doing all those things, and more. But nothing makes any difference, at least not for very long. Some of you may worry about his soul,